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 Post subject: A game of stones
Post #1 Posted: Fri Jun 15, 2018 3:51 am 
Lives in gote

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'This is the only remaining chance.'

'1.'

'To make up for the mess I've left behind so far...'

'2.'

'Oh wait, the—!'

'3.'

'The— welcome to Tengen news! Where we give you, the entire perspective! I'm your host, Reporter Tengen, with help from special guest Professor Yunzi. Hello Professor Yunzi, thank you for gracing us with your presence.'

'Hmm.'

'And with no further ado, let's recap the main stories of this week. Trouble ensues on the QR columns double carriageway as multiple pincers hold up traffic. An interview with Taisha, and his perspective of an iconic moment in go history, the ear reddening move. But first...'

'How much time are you wasting on your failed opening lines?'

'Um, sorry, yes, but first an interview with San-san, and his angle on the first move in the corner.'

'45 degrees, dunce.'

'Uh— oh yes, quite clearly, we see it's something you share with other members of the uniform family, such as Dr Hoshi and GoGo—'

'What? DON'T associate me with goofbags. Faffing about on the four-four point. Maybe I'm left, maybe I'm right, but I don't know, I wanna be anybody. Wherever the wind blows! Hoshi can live on cloud 90 as long as I'm not bothered with the craze. And Gogo? I don't even know what planet she's on, pluto probably.'

'Perhaps...'

'The komoku sisters at least had some sense in them, but when AG hit the scene, the equal anglers were the only game in town, and I 'm here to tell you that the only game in town worth watching is the san-san.'

'Okay, it's clear you share a passionate rivalry with the four-four and five-five points, but, it is true that hoshi is in rather high application at the moment, and I doubt the three-three can quite compare at the moment. Even Professor Yunzi here will verify!'

'Hmm. True.'

'Why should we play san-san instead of hoshi when the statistical evidence shows it's a better opening move?'

'Oh really? Well what's the first thing that happens when you play a hoshi, thwack! A san-san appears, and if the other high-flyers don't see that go is a game of territory, they will be left behind when Alpha-Go finally sees the true greatness of the three-three point...'

'Not that they can...'

'What?'

'Nevermind, that's it for segment one, we swiftly move to the second were my disastrous interview with master Taisha 'the Terrible' will be shown for all of goland to see... wait, this is live, isn't it?'

'1. 2. 3. Tengen news, the whole-board view on current events'

'Now interviewing someone from the past, I'm reporter Tengen with an exclusive interview with one of the joseki that witnessed the ear-reddening move on the battle frontline! Master Taisha, welcome and thank you for giving us your time.'

'From the past? Do you believe me to be dead?'

'To clarify, my sentiment's to your invaluable lifetimes of experience in ripping go players' hair out.'

'I daresay it is more of a side hobby, now. Nobody played me when I was mean.'

'Master Taisha, what did you think of the ear-reddening move when you saw it?'

'I was astounded. To think that one could make the mistake of pushing instead of sliding, only to shake the world with a hand of the heavens. Completely astounded.'

'It wasn't exactly what you'd call a twenty-kyu mistake, I might think. Well, we know you have invaluable experience, and countless hours of go stories to tell, but we'll have to stop here and move on to some of the other stories of today. Maybe we'll see you next time. Thank you very much!'

'My pleasure.'

'1. 2. 3. Tengen news, giving you, the entire perspective'

'And we are live with me, reporter Tengen, and my esteemed aid, Professor Yunzi, interviewing Dr Hoshi! Thank you for being here.'

'Happy to be here.'

'Dr Hoshi, Many people are wondering whether we have been too territory-focused for the past few years. Do you have anything to say on that?

'Well, yes and no. You see, territory is very important no doubt, yes, but influence is also very important. But while people can ignore territory, we often ignore influence as well.'

'So are you saying we have been too territory-oriented?'

'No, not quite, not in the slightest am I saying that we've been paying too much attention to the points in this past decade, perhaps, but I am saying we haven't not been.'

'...'

'...'

'Many points, like Gogo, have taken the concept of influence to new heights. Do you have any thoughts on his philosophy on go playing?'

'I agree with her, but she keeps giving us influencers a bad name.'

'I perfectly understand. And so you are an influencer after all.'

'No, but I do influence.'

'Thank you for your time, Ms Hoshi.'

'Thanks to you, too.'

'1. 2. 3. Tengen news, new stories every year'

'That doesn't— I'm reporter Tengen, reporting live from the QR double carriageway, where a range of pincers have rendered the popular road unusable for the foreseeable future.'

'That is rather pessimistic isn't it?'

'Ah, you were the first stone pincered, where you not?'

'Well, I'd have to say yes, I mean I was just approaching a starpoint stone in the lower right, as you do, when whallop! This other stone appeared and in the blink of an eye I went from relaxed to trapped, and, as I'm sure you would expect, and I daresay this myself, and I wouldn't oppose any other stone concluding the same thing, I was not in the least bit comfortable with such threatening behavior.'

'That stone is with us right now! So, what are your thoughts on—'

'Before addressing that, I'd like to say that I was minding my own business when a stone came one space away from me, obviously not acceptable— le— let me ask where in the—'

'Wait a minute, so you devised this "plan" here, to get your buddy to come pincer me one stone away? In vengence? Or revenegence? Whichever one it may be.'

'Oh, you are that stone that came one space away from this stone right here.'

'Why are you saying it like I did something wrong? I wasn't interested in any childish shenanigans of the sort. I was kinda pre-greening the komoku in the upper right here when whoosh! A stone appeared in front of my eyes, right in front of my eyes just as I was preparing that quality niken-biraki keima-kakari at the komoku I always do. None of this is my business.'

'I do have to admit, that is quite an odd way to approach a stone... a komoku no less... Professor Yunzi, you wouldn't have anything to say on this, would you?'

'No.'

'But you're a professor!'

'This type of occurrence is in the domain of Professor Pincer's field of study.'

'But where is he?'

'He off sick. Too much workload. It had been too popular to play pincers in the past decade and Professor Pincer was on the brink of burnout. But pincers' popularity have lapsed in recent times. Said I could take the helm instead, at least temporarily, "because she'll just ignore their nonsense and suggest a separate way". Conservation of energy's my motto, I guess'.

'Err, guys, I'm feeling kinda cramped here. Could say I'm pincered too.'

'Oh, yes, you're the stone that appeared in front of this stone's eyes. Stones have eyes.'

'Well, I was only following orders from the komoku stone.'

'The komoku stone? Okay. But he's two spaces away from you, too far to pincer intensely, is it not? And even disregarding that, surely, same-team pincers don't exist.'

'Yeah, but his attitude...'

'His attitude?'

'IDIOT!'

'Komoku stone!'

'Not you, Tengen, this whiner over here, okay look, look, just look. First of all, I can't pincer you, because I'm on the same team. Secondly, I didn't order you, I suggested to you to go check that stone or we could be losing a lot of territory here.'

'No you didn't. You said you better go out there or I'll feed you to the go bowl covers.'


'No. I did. I definitely did. Go bowl covers don't eat go stones, they capture them. Where was I? Yes, and thirdly— thirdly, and you can call me a traitor on this— I really don't care anymore, I can't take stones bringing their local problems to me all the time. Why do you think I'm a komoku? I wanted a little bit of space to myself. But what does my so-called "team" do? They take advantage of my kindness. Completely crude. I going to register as a san-san anytime soon.'

'You can't change the position of a stone once it's been played.'

'That's it professor Yunzi, get out! Argh...'

'...Well, that's it for todays breaking news.'

'You can't end it here, I have to combat his accusation. I never actually pincered the stone that approached the star-point stone. I was three spaces away.'

'What! so all this time I was reporting on—'

'What do you mean I was pincered, I was really under pressure.'

'As a komouku stone, I'm often approached at three spaces away by gentler players. I still feel the pressure. I have to corroborate that sentiment. The stone was pincered. Sorry team.'

'Professor Yunzi, what's your opinion on this?'

'Despite the fact we had a komoku in the upper right, one can't dispute D10 is as much an extension as it was pincer in this case.'

'THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING!
'
'1. 2. 3. Tengen news, the top source for quality go information. And an interview with the Ms go-nowhere herself, Gogo, brought to you by reporter Tengen near the QR columns double carraigeway.'

'You look a little out of it.'

'Just escaping a fistfight that erupted when professor Yunzi didn't side one way or the other... '

'You guys gotta take it easy, please, so much anxiety in the world. Peace, man.'

'I appreciate you walking all the way from the lower left corner to speak to us, Gogo. Ms Gogo— go is a game of territory, as I'm sure you're aware— why the insistence upon this 'new age' type of play?'

'You missing the point.'

'The point?'

'The point.'

'Well, what is the point?'

'That just shows you don't get the point.'

'How does that how I don't get the point? Point to one example where I demonstrated I didn't get the point.'

'Easy, when you said, "Well, what is the point?"'

'No I didn't!'

'You did, you even said, "The point?" In that inquisitive tone beforehand.'

'You— nevermind, just what is your point exactly?'

'My point is— the point is— you've gotta look at go, from a higher plane.'

'I approached goland at 10,000 feet in the plane I took.'

'No, no, what I'm saying is— you've got to look at go from a wider perspective. You can't just approach it with your little old tunnel vision. Connect with the spirit, and find the Sai inside!'

'The Sai inside?'

'Yes, the sai inside. Where did you get this idea that go is a game of territory, come on, man, just accepting that San-san propaganda without question. Look at the board. Don't you know, that go, was originally scored by counting the stones as well as the territory, when it's was only known as weiqi by the Chinese? It's about the people, man.'

'The people. I've never thought of it that way.'

'1.'

'2.'

'3.'

'Tengen News! Context without question! See you tomorrow at ten o'clock!'

'Finally, it's over. I wonder what my boss thought of my performance.'

'Is the most creative thing you have to say, "is there anything you have to say"?'

'Huh.'

'And Whu. And well, and uh.'

'Um...'

'Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that you shared our network's namesake, none of us would hire you.'

'And the fact that no one else has applied for the job.'

'Thanks for the kind reminder. No bother, you microphone was off.'

'So— I never actually fixed the microphone...'

'Yep. The viewers got the privilege to miss your dribble. Just heard your interviewees. Except for the recorded segment. Makes sense to have you silent. Too bad we missed the bliss.'

'Well you know what I won't miss? Going into fistfights on double carriageways for your sake, I quit. Goboard news has far better rates anyway.'

'Fine. We'll find another reporter. And crush the competition, Goboard news included, just watch us. We will win this game. Are you listening? Is anyone listening? Actually, I'll just resign.'

_________________
On Go proverbs:
"A fine Gotation is a diamond in the hand of a dan of wit and a pebble in the hand of a kyu" —Joseph Raux misquoted.

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