So the amount of games I play have declined heavly lately.

I don't dare to login to KGS because I don't want to make a fool of myself, I timed out from a game on OGS and feel bad about that so I don't login there, I do still somehow manage to play some on DGS but way to slow tempo to remeber what I am doing at my level... and also the usual stuff for OGA.

This would not be so bad, if it was not that I also kind of feel bad and sometime don't go to either of the Go Clubs, the reasoning here is basicly this, 'you can only lose so many 9-stone games untill it gets old'. There basicly is nobody as bad as I am at go.

A more skilled friend then me noted, 'You really should get better you read so much theory and do tsumego so often', but the thing is, 1) Remmebering the theory and applying it in game situation, acctually seeing in the game when you have a tsumego like situation. But I don't because I play way to few games. (Also when my mind would be best for a game of Go is probably at the same time as work, and I probably are using the same type of processing of data as I work with webb-development.)

Hi virre, have you experienced this kind of feeling in any other fields ?

Well honestly people don't remember who you are on KGS or other servers in general (I can't usually remember if I've played someone already a couple of days ago). If you're 20kyu on KGS and make 20kyu mistakes, what is there to be ashamed of? If timing out on OGS bothered you (and it would have been a bit annoying to the other player) log in, apologise and move on.

Your offline Go anxiety sounds more like the Go club is maybe not the best place for you right now if it's important to get even games. I'm not sure getting sick of playing 9 stone games is the same as Go anxiety though. Perhaps if you only really enjoy offline Go you could see online Go as just a way of getting to the level at which you can play decent even games offline. Having a purpose to play online might change how you see it.

You don't say what sort of rank you are at but if you're a beginner reading theory books is probably a waste of time. Also whether you remember the moves or not tsumego is good at training your ability to read ahead which is always useful, not just when it comes to playing a tombstone tesuji or suchlike.

There's also the chance you don't actually enjoy playing Go.

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I am John. John-I-Am.

Hi virre,

I recently timed out of 13 games on OGS, and I'm a mod there. Nobody's going to be angry with you for timing out. Come back, and hit me up - we can play a teaching game

At 20 kyu, there's no reason to worry about whether you're getting stronger or not - just play and enjoy it. You're learning all the time whether you realise it or not.

Hi virre,

It's important to note that plenty of people are terrible at go. I just posted about how I utterly misunderstood something that I've read about countless times. Not only people who remember every position and understand everything they've been taught play go - there are also people who who repeatedly fail to enact even the most basic concepts. So what? They thought something else was more important and they were wrong. Don't be embarrassed -just be honest with yourself. Right now, there are many aspects of go that you don't understand. That's just the way it is. There is nothing to be ashamed of - being lousy at go is not proof that you are stupid. you're a web developer, duh. Maybe you understand quite a lot, but keep losing because of one or two key misconceptions that you haven't yet eradicated. Go is a great game. If you like it, keep at it.

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Patience, grasshopper.

Ah thats true, that is my full life more or less. Epscally the social impact part where I, in my drinking day, would get drunk to stand social interactions.

This is what I did yesterday. The apologise at least.



Well I like to visit the clubs (this town has two) for the social interaction, I am bad at building friendship and game clubs gives a way to interact with people with a ruled enviorment.



I am talking about the first two Janice Kim books and the Second book of Go there.



I realy hope this is not so, it would be bad considering how much I enjoy everything around go.

Hi, hope I didn't come across as preachy - Go anxiety is something I identify with quite a bit. You should feel happy doing whatever you want to, of course. Usually when I start playing on KGS after some time away I find the first dozen games stressful then it gets better btw.

Those books aren't bad at all. I remember when I first started playing (the first year) I got all of the Elementary Go series books and forced myself to read through the lot - played Go against a computer but didn't actually play more than a handful of actual games - I reckon it was a massive waste of time - all due to Go anxiety.

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I am John. John-I-Am.

I can relate to this. I love to watch go video's, read about go but playing is Shy away from. Like you I'm embarrassed I suck so bad - but I can't get better unless I play, catch 22. I've played 2 games recently on Tygem with someone my level 18kyu and lost both games - the last one was fairly close.

However, I'm never sure where to play and if I'm responding correctly to a particular move. Often times I find out the hard way which is a bit discouraging when I thought my group was alive (I can swear I had two eyes).

Anyway, just to let you know you are not alone and we just have to grit our teeth and move forward - all for the love of the game!

This at least I kind of know the answer to, analyze the game with somebody a better level so they can see why your eye was false. (It sounds like you just as me are bad at knowing the diffrence between a false and a close eye)

Do you know how many games I remember when I was 2 stones weaker? 3 stones weaker? 5 stones? 8? 9? The answer is the same, regardless of whether the game was a casual online game, a tournament game, a painful game where I lost by time despite winning on the board, a game where my opponent escaped, a game where it was against my dearest of rivals or friends, a game I played in the US Go Congress, etc.



0.



So why are you so anxious? A few weeks, a few days, or hey maybe even a few hours later you won't care about whether you won or lost the game and your opponent will neither care nor remember who he or she just played against no matter how badly you played. So go ahead and make a fool out of yourself, because that is the best way to become better at anything, not just Go. You just gotta learn to say f--- it and do what you gotta do.

I've been there, too. And as much as rationalising it, it makes no sense to be anxious about a game, I was. A combination of playing experience (hard to get without playing, so... just do it) and losing quite a lot of games helped a lot. Basically, I forced myself to play blitz. Fast games, little time and not "much" effort devoted, lots of losses. Taught me a lot. The first few were frightening, then it got increasingly better. I just played 2 long time matches, and for the first time (for non-NGA games) I had no anxiety trouble. And I lost both. So... what? I'll win the next. Or the next. Or another: experience has taught me that even if I suck at go... well, we all suck. So, sooner or later I'll get a win and all the while I'll learn from my mistakes here.

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Geek of all trades, master of none: the motto for my blog mostlymaths.net

This advice from RBerenguel is great and I cannot emphasize it enough. Although I'll try with my little story:

Basically, I have been at almost the same point as the OP and as RBerenguel, too, I never liked playing online very much and over the time I developed a certain nervousness and finally some kind of OGA and rank obsession. Which lead to barely playing at all. But if I ever wanted to get better I knew that I had to do it whether I liked it or not because playing is pretty much the most important things you can do to improve. You need to apply what you've learned as much as possible. That's why, at the beginning of the year, I decided that I wanted to change my way of thinking and overcome my anxiety. Because if you look at it with a neutral mind, there is nothing to fear. Horrible blunders can happen to anybody - even pofessionals (anybodyelse remembers the pro who in a live broadcast played a self-atari? I remember it clearly, although I don't know who it was - and it doesn't really matter, either). It is important to "allow" oneself weaknesses, to accept the fact that everybody mistakes - especially in Go - all the time. And it is important to realise that those mistakes are not there solely to make us feel horrible (although that usually might be the first reaction ) but for us to learn from them. If you can work on this attitude I'm sure that the burden you put on yourself will be much easier to deal with. It will take time (after 11 months including quite some slacking off I'm still not quite there), but it is essential to really accept this fact not only think "Yeah, that's right". When I realised that, I made a goal to play a certain number of games this year to overcome my fears and prove to myself that I really am working on this issue. The beginning was hard for me, but after one or two weeks of almost daily playing it got much better (a change of server and looking at another interface helped, too). 5 weeks later I had to stop playing for a few days and actually missed it a LOT. A routine and a goal both help lots in overcoming your fears - but first you must face them, there is no other way. Good luck and all the best for you!

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At least you don't have OGA, Online Go Addiction

I don't know if that should be entirely true, but I can remember (not move for move, but whom it was against, the outcome, and what I learned) several games throughout my year of playing that I see as important.

And thanks to all the wise words here I made myself play a game on OGS yesterday (after trying to find games on the services that have native iOS apps as I just got a new iPad), a really nice 9x9 game, one of the most enjoyable I played even.

And now to the even funnier part, getting what I did wrong and why I lost by 1.5 points.

Hi virre, what do you mean by a "close eye" ?
Could you show an example in a diagram ?

I was just tired for morning, I meant an true eye. I went thorugh the SGF and commeted but could not upload it to EidoGo so something was wrong with it. I did not read the points correctly either.


This was the game at least http://online-go.com/game/1151552, I should have passed at move 44 where I lead by 29 to 28 if I counted correctly.

Virre,

There is some good advice above. I would try to remember a couple of things play to enjoy, not just to improve. And your not alone we are all on the continuum somewhere. So have fun. The fear of losing will really hinder your improvement.

I also say go to the clubs and if they are all much stronger players try GO problems set some up and in between games they can help. Be friendly to new people offer to teach them the rules. I know at least some of the appeal to our little club is that we are friendly it is a social activity.

And Lastly we are all behind you here! See ya at Shodan!

If you want a handicap game with live points/discussion, teaching from someone just a little better than u, contact me at online GO I am Nghtstalker..... Scary eh?


Pax

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Walla Walla GO Club -(on FB)

We play because we enjoy the beauty of the game, the snap and feel of real stones, and meeting interesting people. Hope to see ya there! お願いします!

Anthony

I can assure you that you're playing strength compared to mine is infinitely better than my play compared to any kind of pro, nothing to be ashamed about! The people I played against in the pandachamps where probably either falling asleep at the keyboard or laughing hysterically while thinking... "he played there? Oh boy..." ... Okay, maybe not, but the amount of stupid moves I played in front of those guys... so emarassing from my point of view, however I realized as a stronger player I don't go "that 20kyu played a dumb move" but "how can I help?"... when you consider the fact that it is very hard for me to find games against stronger opponents it was a godsend opportunity. I wish I could play against players 9 stones stronger every day, but you gotta make do with what you have!

As for my online rank, I don't seem to care anymore what my online rank is now, because I hold a belief that I'll get stronger anyway, so what? In fact, so what if I'm xkyu on XGS? The only reason that I think about rank is that I want to play against stronger players. I do not anymore see online ranks primarily as some kind of badge of honour, but like a class in one huge online insei league. U
If I could play against players much stronger than me all the time... rank wouldn't matter! I think I've wasted one too many years just living in my comfort zone, thank you!

At least I'm not a pro

http://www.go4go.net/go/games/sgfview/44419
http://www.go4go.net/go/games/sgfview/43827
http://www.go4go.net/go/games/sgfview/43763


I guess I'm being a little harsh, but when I was 30kyu, I couldn't imagine being 10kyu, so was sure I'd be happy just to be able yo take 9 stones from the 10k. Fi nally reaching 20k, turns out I wasn't. Wanted to at least take 9 stones from those amazing 1-dans, and for sure I I'll be satisfied. And then? I want to take 9 stones from the pros. I want to be 1st dan, blackbelt! Well, keep in mind it is a natural although funny process, the stronger you get, the weaker you feel. You may have noticed that I seem to be talking about myself? Well, now you can see your situation in a less stressful manner, as you're not alone! Top-heavyness is a common problem in many Go clubs, but don't let that be an obstacle. Maybe taking a break for a while before returning to play many, many games could help to "restart" your Go

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On Go proverbs:
"A fine Gotation is a diamond in the hand of a dan of wit and a pebble in the hand of a kyu" —Joseph Raux misquoted.