Receiving handicap against stronger players and giving it against weaker players is part of one's set of go skills, so I'm not entirely convinced (and practically due to how automatch works not giving handicap means not playing against stronger players too). The reason I (should have) lost here wasn't because I overplayed like crazy, but because I misread the cut and let it happen.

Also it's not like I only play handi games, it's just that those have been the games I have judged the most worthy of being posted here among those I played lately.

I actually disagree. I think giving handi becomes harder the stronger you get, and receiving handi becomes easier the stronger you get, just because you know how to make the most of the additional stones provided to you. Playing against 5-7kyus with 3 stones will likely lead to you making victories through their mistakes. The chance of you playing moves that play down to their level, poor shape, etc. rises with the reckless play that will be required from you having to overcome the handicap. If you really want to play with a handi, i strongly believe playing with a negative komi would be better.

Do you really die in gote? What happens if White is allowed to play C19 afterwards?

Yeah I guess I was technically mistaken and it's actually "I threaten to live but if black answer I'm unconditionally dead" rather than dying in gote.

Then it's just a wasted ko threat.

If Black answers it, you wasted a ko threat, which is too bad but not the end of the world.

If Black doesn't answer it, you can play another move to live. That's about a 30 point swing, so 15 points (deiri) per move (in gote). There are probably hotter areas on the board right now (I didn't look closely), but that's not peanuts.

So I think the much bigger error was not seeing that you can now live.

It's not clear what you think your "stupid life of death game ending blunder" was, but hopefully you meant answering at 253 when Black played in at 252. What did you think this move threatened to do to your corner? I don't see anything there. Your group is too big and Black has to connect at R18.

Also should you consider 163 a worse move than 161? Can you see that you should have played 161 at M7 instead of O7? You can then finish with O6 instead of O7 if Black connects. That would leave you 3 points better off than if you had saved your stones in the game.

After the cut at black 139 by all means I should win this game. 149 should probably have pushed and cut at M16 but even then it would be fine. 183 and 185 were crude (185 at 183 immediately is better, or even 185 at R13). But even after then I'm fine. It's b189 which is completely moronic. I should cut white's two groups and then I win the semeai. White will live with his dragon because he can get T8 and T6 in sente, but I get a large top right, and get sente to play something like G13 and in the end white doesn't have much territory.