Reading your journal feels really uncanny and cool, Ian, because you're much better at verbalizing what's in my mind

If it makes you feel better, I played the following sequences as white three days ago:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$
$$ +---------------------------------------+
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O X . . . . . . . X X . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . X . O O X . . . . |
$$ | . . O , . X . . . , . . O X X X . X . |
$$ | . . O X . . . . . . 6 . O O X . X O . |
$$ | . . X X X . . . . . . 5 O X O O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . 1 2 X O X X O . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . 4 O 3 X X X X O . |
$$ | . . . . . . O . . . X O . . . X O . . |
$$ | . . . , . X O . . , O X O . X , O . . |
$$ | . . O . . X O . O . O X . O . O . O . |
$$ | . . O X . . X O . . O X X O . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . X O O O X O X . . O X X . |
$$ | . . O . . . . X O X X O X . . O X . . |
$$ | . . . . X X X . X X X O X . . O O X . |
$$ | . . . O X O O X X , . O O . . O X X . |
$$ | . . O O O X O O X X . O . O O X . X . |
$$ | . . X X . . . O O X . . . . X . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ +---------------------------------------+[/go]

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$
$$ +---------------------------------------+
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O X . . . . . . . X X . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . X X . . X . . . . |
$$ | . . O , . X . . O , X . . X X X . X . |
$$ | . . O X . . . . . . O X . . X . X O . |
$$ | . . X X X . . . . . O X . X O O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O X X . X O X X O . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . X O O X X X X X O . |
$$ | . . . . . . O . . O 2 O 1 . . X O . . |
$$ | . . . , . X O . . , O X O . X , O . . |
$$ | . . O . . X O . O . O X . O . O . O . |
$$ | . . O X . . X O . . O X X O . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . X O O O X O X . . O X X . |
$$ | . . O . . . . X O X X O X . . O X . . |
$$ | . . . . X X X . X X X O X . . O O X . |
$$ | . . . O X O O X X , . O O . . O X X . |
$$ | . . O O O X O O X X . O . O O X . X . |
$$ | . . X X . . . O O X . . . . X . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ +---------------------------------------+[/go]

The funny part is that I only spotted the K12 atari in the second diagram the next day, during review. I couldn't get over it for yet another day.
I don't want to sound too harsh, but judging from my very similar experience - talking is nice, but it won't help figuring out why neither of us can prevent the tilt from occurring; it merely creates an illusion of trying to put effort into fixing the issue. If we want to keep improving, this should be the most urgent point to take care of and, at least personally, it seems like it will require some fundamental changes of character.

And did you realize that after that goof ...

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$
$$ +---------------------------------------+
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O X . . . . . . . X X . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . X X . . X . . . . |
$$ | . . O , . X . . O , X . . X X X . X . |
$$ | . . O X . . 4 . . . O X . . X . X O . |
$$ | . . X X X . . . . . O X . X O O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . 2 . 3 O X X . X O X X O . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . 1 X O O X X X X X O . |
$$ | . . . . . . O . . O O O X . . X O . . |
$$ | . . . , . X O . . , O X O . X , O . . |
$$ | . . O . . X O . O . O X . O . O . O . |
$$ | . . O X . . X O . . O X X O . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . X O O O X O X . . O X X . |
$$ | . . O . . . . X O X X O X . . O X . . |
$$ | . . . . X X X . X X X O X . . O O X . |
$$ | . . . O X O O X X , . O O . . O X X . |
$$ | . . O O O X O O X X . O . O O X . X . |
$$ | . . X X . . . O O X . . . . X . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ +---------------------------------------+[/go]

White has an attack going on against the upper left and by that token, given the rest of the board, is still way ahead?

OR

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$
$$ +---------------------------------------+
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O X . . . . . . . X X . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . X X . . X . . . . |
$$ | . . O , . X . . O , X . . X X X . X . |
$$ | . . O X . . . . . . O X . . X . X O . |
$$ | . . X X X . . . . . O X . X O O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . 6 4 2 O X X . X O X X O . |
$$ | . . . . . 7 5 3 1 X O O X X X X X O . |
$$ | . . . . . . O . . O O O X . . X O . . |
$$ | . . . , . X O . . , O X O . X , O . . |
$$ | . . O . . X O . O . O X . O . O . O . |
$$ | . . O X . . X O . . O X X O . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . X O O O X O X . . O X X . |
$$ | . . O . . . . X O X X O X . . O X . . |
$$ | . . . . X X X . X X X O X . . O O X . |
$$ | . . . O X O O X X , . O O . . O X X . |
$$ | . . O O O X O O X X . O . O O X . X . |
$$ | . . X X . . . O O X . . . . X . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ +---------------------------------------+[/go]

... were you so upset that you stubbornly tried to save an inevitable local loss, turning it into a global loss?

That was it - being flustered, I thought I had to pull out all the stones. I managed to destroy most of Black's points on the bottom (that were not there in the first place I guess), but yeah, sacrificing would be the right way.

Hey Yakcyll, glad you enjoy my study journal



Thanks for sharing! Perhaps, yes. But people can change, and in order to change you have to know what it is you have to change I have already made progress, I expect to continue to do so!


Anyway, I am debating to myself whether I should start listening to music while playing online.
Playing online, I am not as strong as playing irl anyway, so maybe with music things are less serious and that might be good.
On the downside, my concentration will be even worse and maybe I will return to blitz-go too easily.
May be worth a try, though.

There is the possibility that some types of music might aid concentration, namely, slow instrumental music at about 60 beats per second. The Pachelbel Canon is frequently cited as an example.

_________________
The Adkins Principle:
At some point, doesn't thinking have to go on?
— Winona Adkins
----
Many are cold, but few are frozen.

That's certainly an idea.
I was thinking more in the lines of Electro Swing, Jeff Buckley... But maybe that sort of music is more distracting than helping the concentration
Slower, instrumental music might be a good idea, though. Definitely worth a try!

Anyway, I made the decision to put all leftover bad-ish feelings from the games yesterday behind me (there were surprisingly little remaining, though) by playing a casual game on KGS. 7 kyu against 7 kyu.

It was fun, very enjoyable. I played some good moves, some bad.
Self reviewed, specifically concerning big moves and moves that aren't as big as I thought.



Overall remark: not a top game, but fairly blitz and casual, so I'm happy about it nonetheless. I played solidly but some odd slip-ups, like the stones in the lower middle of the board that I eventually gave up (I had made such bad shape I didn't want to spend more moves saving them) which was a bit of a mistake.

My opponent played many moves in the middle, I ignored. Later I played some, he ignored. Very funny.

Not playing more strongly against his group on the right was rough. Anyone has a better sequence? He ignored me so much I felt there was something more there. In the end he lived small, but I think I could've made him live even smaller.

In the end, happy about this game. Low on reading, high on fun. Could be worse

@207, you can connect at A7 instead. If I'm correct, it's worth 4 more points than the sequence you playedpoints

You are right. Leela also pointed that out to me during the game I didn't see it worked. I thought white could then atari the B8 stone and it'd be ko, or shortage of liberties.
But that's not the case and it's a heavy loss in points.

I should really read better during endgame, but I often do it only superficially

Move 127 at K6 looks better: you save your three K4 stones and thus threaten to separate two white groups with K2.

Less than a week to go before the Go camp.
I've decided to make one final effort before leaving:

Let it rest.

I've been studying hard these past couple of weeks, preparing for the camp, get in shape. It's been really good and fun to do. But I think the smartest thing to do right now is to let it rest for five days. Keep Go out of my mind a bit, let my mind come to rest, before wallowing in Go another 2 weeks fully.
Else I might go to the camp overtaxed on Go.

So for the next coming days, I'm only doing daily L&D. No more books, no more games, no more replaying Pro Games, even. Only L&D and peace and quiet

One thing though: our game of yesterday.

H6 - focus of the game and of the commentary: divide & conquer

That certainly was an ouch-ie

If you put it like that, I really didn't divide nor conquered anything
You know, sometimes you hear advice a million times. And still your subconscious doesn't believe it's true. I think that's the case with the divide and conquer.
All the moves where you comment: not divide and conquer, all seem like legit moves. They make territory, protect the shape...
And yet white only does dividing, and ends up winning.

So why do I have such a hard time believing this actually works? How is it possible that someone can win by simply keeping his stones connected and separating the opponent's stones, even if those stones are making territory?

Maybe one of the things to find out in Germany next week

And it's a little more than "I've read about Kato and he uses iron pillars", of course
It's about being strong yourself before going on to the attack. Iron pillar is iron strong.

Anyway, it was a fun game. Hope we'll play again when I return from Germany, and maybe then you won't be able to give me 6 stones anymore!

My impression is that White not only "separates stones", but also gets sente moves by threatening to separate stones.

A few comments, if you don't mind.



Edit: Removed flawed variation.

_________________
The Adkins Principle:
At some point, doesn't thinking have to go on?
— Winona Adkins
----
Many are cold, but few are frozen.

Black 96 at G14. Divide and conquer!

_________________
Dave Sigaty
"Short-lived are both the praiser and the praised, and rememberer and the remembered..."
- Marcus Aurelius; Meditations, VIII 21

Well, I'll see you all in about two weeks
I'm off to Germany to play some Go!

Hoping to come back with some improved ideas and hopefully some great experiences!

Viel Glück!

De l'audace, encore de l'audace, toujours de l'audace!

_________________
The Adkins Principle:
At some point, doesn't thinking have to go on?
— Winona Adkins
----
Many are cold, but few are frozen.

Germany was just wonderful. In-Seong's Spring Camp was a lot of fun and I've actually registered for the upcoming season of his online Dojo!

Jena was... an amazing study vacation. Especially the first few days, where I had daily private tutoring frmo Young-Sam Kim, Europe's n°1 player and a fantastic teacher.

I have learned so much, and my reading has improved.
But Young-Sam also says: it is normal to lose a lot after you've learned much. It'll take me a few months to process everything I've learned, and I need lots of experience to try things out.

Already I played 3 games since I'm home and lost 2, so I'm on the right way

What an experience. I will definitely go back, maybe even this Summer, for another week.

Bit of a downer after the previous post but...

I'm really struggling with motivation right now. It's a bit odd, seeing as how the 2 weeks were so great. I think I know a few possible explanations why this might be so.

1) I think the 2 weeks were great but also not to be underestimated and now I'm maybe having some sort of compensation?
2) Incidentally, I'm picking up some other hobbies I had been neglecting such as poetry and music, so my concentration is more divided.
3) The camp was 2 weeks of real life Go playing, now I'm back to computer Go, which takes some of the fun out and adds stress again.
4) Even though this shouldn't bother me, it does a bit: after the intense camp, I feel a bit disappointed not to experience any improvement. In about three months, it'll be a year since I've had any noticable improvement. After my first six months of improving rapidly, it's a hard pill to swallow.

I think it's likely a combination of all of the above. I'm now in In-Seong's Yunnguseng for three months, so the timing is a bit unfortunate. I have access to all these great lectures, reviews and opportunities, but I'm not taking full advantage right now.
I know it is possible to drop out and not lose your money (come back later), but I've decided to sweat it out. Both on principle but also I think that In-Seong might pinpoint some more fundamental mistakes in my play and I might still make that leap I need to improve a little bit more.

So what I think I really need to do:
- Play the Yunguseng League (one game a week) and try to watch some of the lectures at least, to make full advantage of the money I paid. After this season, evaluate and then decide to continue for a next season or not or later.
- Carefully try to pick up tsumego again. Every day, even if it's just a little bit. I have been neglecting my tsumego so much, while I did +1h of it every day in Germany, and actually enjoyed it.

And then hope things get better again!
But to be honest, it already feels a little bit better writing this down