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 Post subject: Re: Kirby's Study Journal
Post #1781 Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2020 6:58 am 
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I've been playing go and doing problems, but not posting here much. Yesterday, though, a coworker challenged me. I started a slack channel about go and started a go problem competition. This guy has been participating a lot, and wanted to play.

He said he's around 10k, and his OGS rank is 12k. Admittedly, I might have played pretty quickly and aggressively without thinking much because of judging him like this, and I even misread a ladder. But anyway, he won and I didn't ever feel like I had a strong chance of winning.

Here's the game:


The parts around the end I knew didn't work, but I was trying to make up for my point deficit...

So I guess I'm DDK now :scratch:

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 Post subject: Re: Kirby's Study Journal
Post #1782 Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2020 7:15 am 
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Your moves between :w60: and :w74: were pretty catastrophic, but I think your opponent is stronger than DDK.

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 Post subject: Re: Kirby's Study Journal
Post #1783 Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2020 7:18 am 
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Yeah, 50 was pretty bad, too. And I thought nothing about the cut at N3. I think I probably should have been more focused. If we play again, I'm going to try harder. I should respect my opponent more, regardless of stated rank, I think.

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 Post subject: Re: Kirby's Study Journal
Post #1784 Posted: Sat Sep 05, 2020 7:21 pm 
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Maybe since I was a little frustrated with my loss, I decided to look back on my go career a little bit. If I count the time I absolutely first heard about go, I think it was around 2003ish? Hikaru no Go timeframe...

Rank is kind of hard to get solid data on (tournament games vs. internet games, etc.). But if I try to make an honest reflection of my progression in rank, I think I get a graph that looks something like this:
Image


The y-axis is basically "rank + 30", where 0 is 30k, then 30 is around 1d, and 35 is around 5d. Here, I'm being generous, too, because while I think I can play around 2d - maybe 3d if I am super focused, sometimes I also play worse than that, e.g., around 2k. So we can think of this as an optimistic graph of my rank over time. I remember being around 5k when I went to grad school around 2007, and I got to KGS 1d around 2010ish. I think I have the capability to play above 1d level now - it doesn't always happen, but anyway, progress has been slow since 2010, even in this generous version of the graph.

This brings to mind the question, "What do I want to achieve?" in terms of go skill. Becoming something like a pro is out of the question. I have already hit the 1d milestone. Do I want to win tournaments? I won the US Open 1d section before. Do I want to win for a higher level section? What would be meaningful? 5d?

Let's say I pick 5d as a goal. That would be around 35 on this graph. It looks like the current rank is kind of close - but again, that's an optimistic rank. And even if I take it at face value, I'm somewhat flatlined here. Even if I'm in the middle of 1d and 5d right now, I got to 1d about 10 years ago. That means that with the same amount of effort, it'd take at least 10 years to make it the rest of the way there. And that's optimistic. The curve is generally sloped, and with age, I hear that it gets harder to read. Given that I'm 36 now, I'm looking at not being that level until I'm at least around 50. More realistically, maybe 55 or 60. That's if I can keep up the pace without declining. But age might also work against me. It could very well be a target that I never hit.

---

So if achieving a better rank or skill at go is my goal, it seems somewhat difficult. Now, it's true that I have not studied seriously all that often in go. Maybe that's my problem. But I don't know what would be different to make me change my behavior on that front - unless I *really* cared about getting to an arbitrary rank like 5d. And even then, I'd feel bad compared to the 6d and 7d.

What if I take the rank variable out of the picture? What other aspects are there?
- Intellectual pursuit. It's fun to concentrate on things like go problems and games.
- Go friends. I can meet up with them by going to tournaments and go events.
..

I can't really think of anything else. But I'd say that if "getting good" is not my goal anymore, then I can achieve these other goals without any sort of study at all - do go problems occasionally like I might do a crossword puzzle. And go to tournaments now and then to socialize with people.

It's a little painful to look at it this way, but if I compare this type of rank curve to the curve I might get by learning something entirely new... It's tempting to pick up a new hobby or interest. At my current age, it'd be nice to have an area in my life where the rank curve seems trending upward, rather than flat, at least...

I think I have to think about it more. The one thing that keeps coming back to me is that I never really tried seriously enough up until now in studying... But am I really going to change with that? To bring about change, I'd have to really want it. And for what? To be 5d instead of a lower dan player?

Maybe I'm just salty since I've been losing lately...

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 Post subject: Re: Kirby's Study Journal
Post #1785 Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2020 6:59 pm 
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After all of the philosophical musings from my last post, I had a plan: quit go at least for a little while, and focus on learning something else. I wanted to feel the beginning of the learning curve, again. I'm getting older so I don't have that much time left, so I want to optimize. And trying to optimize for go is basically optimizing for a fraction of a slope in the improvement line.

Anyway, then I get a group email from Inseong about the upcoming AYD league. What? I explicitly decided not to pay for another season. So I went and checked the record to tell Inseong that he made a mistake of including me. And then I realized that I had paid for 2 seasons back in the spring, so I actually *am* still a part of the league.

Oh well. Doesn't mean I have to study go. So I just played this game, listening to music. My opponent here usually beats me, so I was expecting to get behind early on. I think I kind of did, but then things started turning around:


It was a little complicated, but while he was thinking during the game, I thought I might be in trouble after this:
Click Here To Show Diagram Code
[go]$$Bc
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . . . |
$$ | . . X O . . . . . . . . . . . O O . . |
$$ | . . X O . . . . . , . . . . X X X . . |
$$ | . . X O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . X O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X O X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . O X . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . W X O X O O O . |
$$ | . . X . . . . . . . . O X X O X X O . |
$$ | . . . , O . . . . , . X O O O X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . O X X . . X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . O X O X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]


Notably, maybe this:
Click Here To Show Diagram Code
[go]$$Bc
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . . . |
$$ | . . X O . . . . . . . . . . . O O . . |
$$ | . . X O . . . . . , . . . . X X X . . |
$$ | . . X O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . X O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . 6 . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 5 . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 2 X O X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 O X . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . O X O X O O O . |
$$ | . . X . . . . . . . . O X X O X X O . |
$$ | . . . , O . . . . , . X O O O X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . 7 O X X . . X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . O X O X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]


I think the original marked move might have been a mistake. But he acquiesced and gave me some stones... Game proceeded, and I started just getting a good feeling.

I wasn't aiming to really try hard for winning this game. It was kind of just playing out of obligation, because I'm signed up. But I started to enjoy myself a little bit more.

And I remembered thinking to myself, "Dang it, this game is gonna get me back interested in go, again. And then I'll be in that quandary about what to study, again. I won't be able to say no to go."

Then things fizzled in byo-yomi when I played this:
Click Here To Show Diagram Code
[go]$$Bc
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . X . X . . . . . . . X . . . X . |
$$ | . . X O X . X . X X O O X . X X X O . |
$$ | . . X O X . X X O X X O X X O O O O O |
$$ | . . X O . X O O O O O X O O X X X O . |
$$ | . X X O O X O O O X X X O . . . . O . |
$$ | O X O O X O . O . X . X O X . . O . . |
$$ | . O . O . . O O X . X O O O . . . . . |
$$ | O . . O X X X O X . X X O X . . . O O |
$$ | O O O O X O . O . X . X X O O O . O X |
$$ | O X O O X O . O . , X . W O . X O O X |
$$ | O X X X O X X O . . . . O X X X X X X |
$$ | X X . O O . . O . O X X X O X O X . . |
$$ | O . X O . O O . O . O . O O X O . X . |
$$ | . X X O X X X O . . . O . O X O O O . |
$$ | . . X X O O X O . X . O C . O X X O . |
$$ | X X O , O X O O O X X X O O O X X X . |
$$ | O X . O O X X X X X O O O X X . . X . |
$$ | O O O . O O X . . X X X O X O X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . X . X O O X . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]


immediately, the marked move became visible, but it was too late. I lost the big group of stones and resigned. Before that, i think I might have been ahead...

So in the end it leaves me confused: kind of like go. Don't know if I should keep investing into it. Confused. Guess at least I'll play for AYD, again, next week. :-p

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 Post subject: Re: Kirby's Study Journal
Post #1786 Posted: Tue Sep 15, 2020 6:51 pm 
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Played another game on the AYD. Against my nemesis (actually just my friend :-p), boltar.

Here it is:


I won the game. During the game, I turned on some music, and enjoyed myself. I've been thinking a lot about my last two posts. I think I came up with an idea that gives me some sense of peace for now.

That is: it doesn't make sense for me to study go. Look at the graph - I won't get that much better at this rate unless I make a big change, and there are no huge goals that I have for go in the near future. But despite that, I love - and hate - the game. And sometimes, for things and people you love, you do things that don't make sense.

Onward...

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