Maybe since I was a little frustrated with my loss, I decided to look back on my go career a little bit. If I count the time I absolutely first heard about go, I think it was around 2003ish? Hikaru no Go timeframe...
Rank is kind of hard to get solid data on (tournament games vs. internet games, etc.). But if I try to make an honest reflection of my progression in rank, I think I get a graph that looks something like this:
The y-axis is basically "rank + 30", where 0 is 30k, then 30 is around 1d, and 35 is around 5d. Here, I'm being generous, too, because while I think I can play around 2d - maybe 3d if I am super focused, sometimes I also play worse than that, e.g., around 2k. So we can think of this as an optimistic graph of my rank over time. I remember being around 5k when I went to grad school around 2007, and I got to KGS 1d around 2010ish. I think I have the capability to play above 1d level now - it doesn't always happen, but anyway, progress has been slow since 2010, even in this generous version of the graph.
This brings to mind the question, "What do I want to achieve?" in terms of go skill. Becoming something like a pro is out of the question. I have already hit the 1d milestone. Do I want to win tournaments? I won the US Open 1d section before. Do I want to win for a higher level section? What would be meaningful? 5d?
Let's say I pick 5d as a goal. That would be around 35 on this graph. It looks like the current rank is kind of close - but again, that's an optimistic rank. And even if I take it at face value, I'm somewhat flatlined here. Even if I'm in the middle of 1d and 5d right now, I got to 1d about 10 years ago. That means that with the same amount of effort, it'd take at least 10 years to make it the rest of the way there. And that's optimistic. The curve is generally sloped, and with age, I hear that it gets harder to read. Given that I'm 36 now, I'm looking at not being that level until I'm at least around 50. More realistically, maybe 55 or 60. That's if I can keep up the pace without declining. But age might also work against me. It could very well be a target that I never hit.
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So if achieving a better rank or skill at go is my goal, it seems somewhat difficult. Now, it's true that I have not studied seriously all that often in go. Maybe that's my problem. But I don't know what would be different to make me change my behavior on that front - unless I *really* cared about getting to an arbitrary rank like 5d. And even then, I'd feel bad compared to the 6d and 7d.
What if I take the rank variable out of the picture? What other aspects are there?
- Intellectual pursuit. It's fun to concentrate on things like go problems and games.
- Go friends. I can meet up with them by going to tournaments and go events.
..
I can't really think of anything else. But I'd say that if "getting good" is not my goal anymore, then I can achieve these other goals without any sort of study at all - do go problems occasionally like I might do a crossword puzzle. And go to tournaments now and then to socialize with people.
It's a little painful to look at it this way, but if I compare this type of rank curve to the curve I might get by learning something entirely new... It's tempting to pick up a new hobby or interest. At my current age, it'd be nice to have an area in my life where the rank curve seems trending upward, rather than flat, at least...
I think I have to think about it more. The one thing that keeps coming back to me is that I never really tried seriously enough up until now in studying... But am I really going to change with that? To bring about change, I'd have to really want it. And for what? To be 5d instead of a lower dan player?
Maybe I'm just salty since I've been losing lately...
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Kirby
jlt
and 
were pretty catastrophic, but I think your opponent is stronger than DDK.