A beginner's journal of little interest

[karaklis]

Of course, mostly likely most of these will drop the game again

When I was at a go game evening event for the first time, its organizer said that he had introduced the game to several hundred people, and only about one of fifteen picked up the game for a longer time. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that you'll find at least one person to play with in the long run.

[Boidhre]

Of course, mostly likely most of these will drop the game again

When I was at a go game evening event for the first time, its organizer said that he had introduced the game to several hundred people, and only about one of fifteen picked up the game for a longer time. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that you'll find at least one person to play with in the long run.

Yeah, I've hopes that one or two of the people that I introduce take it up. Well, one of my friends used to be a 2k, so all I did there was convince him to come back rather than actually introduce him to the game, he's now off pricing go sets so... Not that he needed much convincing!

[Boidhre]

I lose so much of the time (my friends in the game are all stronger players for the most part), I feel lost so often while playing but oh but how much fun this is! I can see why people play it for decades.

[Boidhre]

Playing poorly at the moment, got crushed again. Not sure what it is, fairly tired with the kids and all so maybe that's affecting me. I'm enjoying Shape Up! and it's taking time for me to assimilate it, I think I'm playing the shapes at the wrong time and misjudging things which could be another factor in my poor play. I'm dipping into Tesuji also, again, fascinating, thanks for the recommendation Bill! Maybe I'm overranked at 15k though? Go seems alien and mysterious at the moment to me but that is to be expected I think as I learn more about the game. I feel like I'm overthinking moves for my level at present. That said, it's bloody fascinating as games go! In good news, there's a tournament next month that I'm heading to for definite. It should be a lot of fun to meet other go players in Ireland. The local go club is suiting me very well and I've made some new friends through it which is always a nice thing. I'm trying to play fast games to force me out of my comfort zone and learn to read faster.

Anyway, here's an embarrassing game, I don't expect any reviews as it was a short time limit game. I'm posting it more to keep me honest about my poor games as anything else.

Same opponent as Eigghead had in the Squeaker game.

As you can see, my sleep pattern has shifted by 6 hours again.

[EdLee]

Basic shapes. Atari.

Don't play when your brain is groggy; or, play just to relax, knowing it'll be a bad game.

[Boidhre]

Thanks Ed. I agree, I don't think I should be playing when tired.

[Ciaran]

Hi folks!
I would like to add a thing I noticed in your game.
At move #162, instead of connecting at M11, you should have cut at L13 then capturing some white stones due to the shortage of liberties.

K.

[Boidhre]

Hi folks!
I would like to add a thing I noticed in your game.
At move #162, instead of connecting at M11, you should have cut at L13 then capturing some white stones due to the shortage of liberties.

K.

Thank you, yes this tesuji was pointed out to me afterwards by a friend taking a look at the game.

[Boidhre]

Mostly posting for the benefit of people who go through similar things. Haven't been playing much, two ranked online games in the past week. My psychologist thinks I might be going back into a depression and we're going from monthly to weekly appointments and I'm meeting my psychiatrist 2 months early (her idea not mine). I'm having confidence issues about playing, I feel I'll play very badly so I don't play which isn't a great way of looking at things really, though when I do play I just prove the point to myself that my concentration is very poor at the moment. Though honestly, the real thing holding me back is making the decision to seek out a game, I find any kind of decision hard to make at the moment. The best way I can describe it is like playing through a mental fog, it's like your thinking about go (and any other mental activity) is partially obscured from you, though I'm explaining it really badly here). I just came out of a depression in March so really I could do without another bout of it so soon.

Fortunately, I've been getting CBT and ACT along with medication so I'm a bit better prepared this time around so the plan is (these strategies will be applied across my life, I'm just posting go related ones here):

Start some new accounts so I can remove one potential worry from my list of reasons not to play (who would want very embarrassing play attached to their name so to speak?).
Commit to playing a game a day, not to improve necessarily but to challenge the thought processes making me not play. This would be the behavioural element of CBT. I need to show myself through exposure that playing badly isn't the end of the world and that I do not need to drop a hobby simply because I'm in a low.
Meditate on the feelings I get when I feel anxious/whatever about playing. From ACT/Mindfulness approaches to dealing with depression.
Challenge the thoughts I get in response to the feelings. The cognitive element of CBT. When I (and most people) get low our thinking gets distorted and our interpretation of the world and stimuli both external and internal get messed up.
Continue going to the go club and playing games there. Hiding away from social contact would just make things worse right now.


I realise that this isn't really what this forum is about but I hope some person finds the above useful at some point. The key idea here to stop myself going into a deep depression by preventing the behavioural changes that come with the beginnings of one. I can't do much for my sleep without taking strong sedatives which isn't nice for me so I'm just going to accept my sleep as messed up for the moment and get on with the rest of things.

[EdLee]

Boidhre,

The best way I can describe it is like playing through a mental fog, it's like your thinking about go
(and any other mental activity) is partially obscured from you, though I'm explaining it really badly here).

You're explaining it appropriately. That's how it feels when the brain is groggy.
When you feel groggy, you can still play to relax, knowing it might be a terrible game anyway.

[mus]

i wish you all the very best my friend~

[Boidhre]

A casual game between me versus a friend (3k KGS) at home (no go club today because too many people were busy so we decided to meet up and have a game anyway):

I miss a lot of things on a real board. Like N18, P13 at the end.

I don't play much 9 stone and it shows I think.

Oh and thanks mus.

[EdLee]

[Bill Spight]

Divide and conquer!



Edit: Added variation at move 152.

[Boidhre]

Thank you both for your comments, very helpful.