Life In 19x19

jts wrote:[..]

This isn't about teaching him self-control, that's his parent's job. [..]

I fear I disagree here.

I instruct a weekly Go workshop at the local school, and what I see is that too many of these kids are being left alone by their parents when it comes to things like self-control, ethics, social behaviour, personal growth, etc., just because too many parents have nothing to pass on to their kids except, perhaps, for their money. Also, some of these kids are … sort of … “unchallenged” by their parents and by school, they seem to be more “intelligent” (at least more curious) than their environment which cannot give their hungry senses enough input, and then they get bored, and destructive/self-destructive, and some turn inward.

I’m unable to ignore this and to “just” concentrate on the game of Go, I certainly have a hidden agenda, which is to empower these kids, to support them in becoming strong and aware personalities. This is social work, this is pre-therapy. And while I’m aware that I must not overestimate what I’m able to do, I also see that, very often, if I won’t do anything for these kids, nobody will. So I just try to give my best on all channels.

Greetings,

Tom in Germany

Bonobo wrote:

jts wrote:[..]

This isn't about teaching him self-control, that's his parent's job. [..]

I fear I disagree here.

I instruct a weekly Go workshop at the local school, and what I see is that too many of these kids are being left alone by their parents when it comes to things like self-control, ethics, social behaviour, personal growth, etc., just because too many parents have nothing to pass on to their kids except, perhaps, for their money. Also, some of these kids are … sort of … “unchallenged” by their parents and by school, they seem to be more “intelligent” (at least more curious) than their environment which cannot give their hungry senses enough input, and then they get bored, and destructive/self-destructive, and some turn inward.

I’m unable to ignore this and to “just” concentrate on the game of Go, I certainly have a hidden agenda, which is to empower these kids, to support them in becoming strong and aware personalities. This is social work, this is pre-therapy. And while I’m aware that I must not overestimate what I’m able to do, I also see that, very often, if I won’t do anything for these kids, nobody will. So I just try to give my best on all channels.

Greetings,

Tom in Germany

Its a sad thing you say, and certainly very true.
However - what you do, while noble, is above and beyond. I would certainly not claim that it is my responsibility as a Go teacher to actually raise somebody else's kids when they fail to do so themselves. I can, if I am so inclined, but to actually expect that it too much.

Actually, I wonder if this is not a part of the problem. So many people out there feel like its their duty to raise other people kids that the parents can just sit back and be lazy. I have seen it before... Kids getting absolutely no guidance, and the parents saying: the school will teach them. And sometimes it even ends well.

But still, I see your point as well. Its hard to just stand back and watch, when you can actually do something.

Bantari wrote:[..] I would certainly not claim that it is my responsibility as a Go teacher to actually raise somebody else's kids when they fail to do so themselves.

Mh… I’d even go further and ask: “Is it not our all responsibility to always try and raise … awareness?” Within and without? Albeit gently so, certainly not in a rah-rah-rah imposing style which would rather make others close their ears (and mine own as well).

IMHO this goes not only for any communication with kids, but overall, with people, with the environment. I admit that this may have some bodhisattvic aji and it’s aiming high, but — at least for me — it’s not at being so-and-so successful with this, it’s about DOING it at all. It’s kinda like trying to become a better person: always strive, and never be sure that you’ve gotten somewhere but know that you’re actively moving forward. And constantly check the direction with your ethics compass, and as you make progress, adjust the ethics compass to make it even more sensitive, or perhaps: tolerant.

I can, if I am so inclined, but to actually expect that it too much.

Right, for me it also has less to do with my expectations, more with … my wishes. IMO, if I wish to live in such-and-such a world, it’s my duty to try to act like people in such-and-such a world would act.

Actually, I wonder if this is not a part of the problem. So many people out there feel like its their duty to raise other people kids that the parents can just sit back and be lazy. I have seen it before... Kids getting absolutely no guidance, and the parents saying: the school will teach them. And sometimes it even ends well.

No, Bantari, I’m sure that you, too, would not be able turn your back to any one of those neglected kids. Thoughts about why this and why that and making the cross on the correct place when voting “and all” is not fast enough for them. They’ll get lost, they’ll fall through the mesh. These are real girls and boys, aged 9-16.

But still, I see your point as well. Its hard to just stand back and watch, when you can actually do something.

I just know of no reason why to stand back and watch. The First Directive allows me to do something since, sadly, contact to this undeveloped species has already been made \V/ LLAP

Greetz, Tom

Bonobo wrote:

Bantari wrote:[..] I would certainly not claim that it is my responsibility as a Go teacher to actually raise somebody else's kids when they fail to do so themselves.

Mh… I’d even go further and ask: “Is it not our all responsibility to always try and raise … awareness?”

Not if the price is enabling others to wash their hands clean.

The kind of thinking you propose mostly work if everybody thinks along the same lines - then it is good. But if you consider the scenario of the users and the used, you certainly do not want to enable the users to use. It is imperative to make the *parents* aware that it is *their* job to raise *their* kids. When they understand this, the society at large can (and should) help... but it should help, not substitute.

If you don't make it abundantly clear that ultimately its the parent's job and responsibility to raise their kids, then no matter what you do, you already lost. And so did the kids. Sure, you can put a band-aid on it by stepping in and trying to influence the kids some, in small ways, here and there. But its just a band-aid, and I feel your energies would be spent better to raise awareness among the parents - treat the disease, not the symptoms.

Bantari wrote:I have seen it before... Kids getting absolutely no guidance, and the parents saying: the school will teach them.

Really? I find it quite surprising that anyone would think this. (Of course some kids don't get guidance. But I think their parents do not think that the school will fill in the gap. I think those parents simply do not think at all).

hyperpape wrote:

Bantari wrote:I have seen it before... Kids getting absolutely no guidance, and the parents saying: the school will teach them.

Really? I find it quite surprising that anyone would think this. (Of course some kids don't get guidance. But I think their parents do not think that the school will fill in the gap. I think those parents simply do not think at all).

Well, it happens, and unfortunately, from what I see around me, it happens a lot.
Also unfortunately - schools often don't do such a good job of it neither.

I'm sorry that your fellow go coach passed away.



About the kids: I'm pretty sure, you did a good job. 5 of the 6 kids were OK: that's a success rate of more than 80%!

I'd try again with simultanous 9x9 or 13x13 games. Just because it didn't work last time doesn't mean it won't work the next time. One advantage is, that it might be more interesting to you than slaying them with a high handycap. (I used to give a lot of simultanous games at the club, when I was the strongest player. I learned some things from it).

Are you now alone with the kids? Other players can take care of some of them some of the time as well. Even if the kids want to play exclusively you.

I think the most important is, that you enjoy going to the club. If you just go there to do some unpaid babysitting, it won't be sustainable.

I'm sure that the kid can digest the unexpected loss of that game. It's like video games, the first try you lose terribly. And next time it gets better. He should know that. If you can show him, that he is improving, he'll become motivated again.

Sometimes it happens that you trash an opponent. Especially when he provokes it. I see nothing wrong about it in your case (don't be so harsh to yourself). Sometimes I tell them slightly joking that this is part of the japanese initiation rite to the game. Even if it is not true, they like that story. And in some of them, it even plants the virus.