Life In 19x19

Kirby wrote:

iambadatgo wrote:...but if she is interested in you she will play or help when you ask her to. ...

Yes, but relationships are a two way street. It's important to see things from the other person's perspective. From a go player's perspective, you may think like that: "If she's interested in me, she should appreciate go.".

I think you support my argument rather than argue against it. Relationships are a two-way street, so any serious relationship should have either person interested (or at least feigning interest ) in the some of the other's hobbies - especially the important ones. For example, my fiancee loves gardening, but as a germophobic clean-freak I am not a fan at all. But I still do it - I still go with her to the stores to help pick out plants, I still go outside and do work with her. She's an architect, so she loves art and architecture. I'm not the biggest fan, but I take her to art museums, or to see neat architecture, and if I am ever somewhere with "significant" architecture and she isn't there I make sure to take pictures. But just as you point out, it is a two-way street and I feel she should show some interest in my hobbies and passions as well.

And with that, I know that she isn't going to pick up Invincible, study it and become 5p. But even if she is not interested, if I were to ask her, "Would you be interested in replaying a pro match with me sometime this week?" she would say yes - and that is my point. Just like if your wife asked you to do something with her that she enjoys, she should also reciprocate. Playing go and living go are two different things - we cannot expect or even ask our significant others to live go. But we can ask them to take part in our experience with it.

iambadatgo wrote:...But we can ask them to take part in our experience with it.

I guess it's up to you whether taking part in the experience is a requirement for your significant other

It looks like you've found a balance in your relationship, though, so that's cool.

Redbeard wrote:I'm lucky because my partner LIKES to play Go. However, it was only when she came with me to a Go seminar and played other people that her interest really took off. She found her love of Go on her own and all I did was point the way.

If you have a club in your area, maybe you can ask her to tag along one night. She might be more inspired by the community than the game itself.

You also might try playing Atari Go instead of a full-handicap game. It's a fun game and it shows you the basics of Go in a quick and easy manner. Your girlfriend may find it more enjoyable and less intimidating than a 19x19 game.

Unfortunately, I live in an area where there is no set Go club. It's really frustrating. Because you're right, having her come with me to something like that if she wanted to might help her get interested as well. But even still, I wish we had something in my area. I even contacted the AGA about how I could get something going since I'm a member, but they haven't contacted me back.

hola

there are a dozens of games that you can play using your go equipment and many are very simple and fast. Not too many people are willing to engage in a game so complex and slow like go... but maybe if you introduce her to games like gomoku or pente it is possible you can generate some interest to the game of go in the long run.

I can't make the love of my life to play go BUT she really likes to play othello and yinsh with me, games that enjoy too and I can share with her.

¡suerte!

Yeah, don't even try it. The only thing I can do with go for some people is use it as an inside joke. eg. they get off work early or something and I'll say, "Great! You'll have some time to study go!" knowing that they really don't like go. I feel I might be able to recruit at least one person, but I need to go through extra effort to get them to the club.

my wife try to take me shopping when we got married.
i love my wife but i dont think i will ever love shopping with her.
enough said!

Aw man, so many things to comment on and quote!

Suffice to say, everyone has relationship advice (and anecdotes), always.

My wife and I are both very competitive. We're not good at playing together in any game.

However, we both love puzzles. Chess puzzles are the current thing we do together, which is fun.

My wife knows how to play both Go and Chess. We have played Chess twice, and stand at 1-1. We'll leave it at that (it's been over 5 years now). She knows I love Go, and Chess, and Magic: the Gathering, and Soccer (though I don't follow much of the Premier League, or MLS, or anything National or International; I just play as much as I can in Rec leagues), and Video Games. She shares none of these interests (and there are a ton more). I share very few of her interests.

The key to our relationship is that we respect each other's interests. If we didn't understand each other in this way and give the space needed, we'd probably never interact at all (well, ALMOST never ).

Magicwand wrote:my wife try to take me shopping when we got married.
i love my wife but i dont think i will ever love shopping with her.
enough said!

True words! Though, I still go with mine ... she deserves some time for all the time she allows me to do my own thing.

I called my gf overe to look through some of this thread with me. She laughed. I think she feels more at ease now knowing that there are women around the world who have to deal with the same issues she does.

RedStick wrote:I called my gf overe to look through some of this thread with me. She laughed. I think she feels more at ease now knowing that there are women around the world who have to deal with the same issues she does.

Actually, my wife's been talking about making a website for wives (or significant others) of go players. She wanted to call it Akiko.com, after Toya Meijin's wife in Hikaru no Go.

Yin/Yang - My universe is balanced because I play go and my wife doesn't.

Earlier in my marriage I tried briefly to interest her in go. Now that I look back, I think it was more to validate my one esoteric hobby. I mean I've played strategy games my whole life. I can't exactly go into a sports bar a strike up an interesting conversation about my passion for go. I have to stick with the Denver Broncos.

So, having my wife think go is cool enough to learn to play would have been the equivalent of the most important person in my life saying, "I think your strange little 2,500-year-old Chinese board game is the coolest thing ever."

Today, I.m just tickled that my wife doesn't groan when I say I'm taking an occasional evening to go to the club to play. Once in a while she even asks how it went. She shows me her paintings when she comes home from an art class; and occasionally, I comment on a hard-won game from my club night. We both smile, nod our heads and are glad that we are happy together, even though our hobbies are black and white

By the way, two of my daughters play a little go with me now and again. I think it may be more of a way to get one-on-one daddy time. But, I'm okay with that, too. I've recently started watching the Hikaru series again on Hulu with my 9 nine-year-old daughter. I'm feeling lucky about that. I figure I'm ahead by a point or two. No need to go after the big group in the middle

When my wife shops she needs me there to carry the bags

I always say my wife is too smart to play go. She has almost no interest in the game, but does know the rules and is probably around 25k or so. I'm hoping to get her to come to go congress and play pairgo with me, that would be an experience.

I've seen a number of couples come to my club looking for something to do together. None of them have ever stuck around for long.

I think it's good to have some separate interests and some shared interests.

daniel_the_smith wrote:I think it's good to have some separate interests and some shared interests.

Agree.

You could try starting something that is new to both of you. If you both like games, I recommend bridge, it is fun, challenging, social, and partership-based. Clubs are generally easy to find.

zinger wrote:

daniel_the_smith wrote:I think it's good to have some separate interests and some shared interests.

Agree.

You could try starting something that is new to both of you. If you both like games, I recommend bridge, it is fun, challenging, social, and partership-based. Clubs are generally easy to find.

Though it's hard to make a contract on a minor suit.

hailthorn011 wrote:Okay, I've played Go for around 4-5 months now, and during that span I've tried sporadically to get my girlfriend to play Go as well. It worked once, but then she was discouraged because I defeated her handily. Although, I do admit, I wasn't really trying...And I gave a nine stone handicap. Anyway, my goal is to somehow enable her to see just why this game has captivated me so much. However, my attempts have been in vein, and it seems like I'm making her more disinterested than interested.

So, question of the day: How do I get her interested? (And man, so many puns there, I know.)

The sad truth is that women generaly are not interested in Go and few women play Go outside Asia. It is not that they are weaker than the men, it is just that they are not interested in it. Usually, when I like a boy, start to like almost all his hobbies, because when I do the same thing it reminds me of him and I feel very happy. For instance, the last boy I had a crush on, played a lot Ghost Recon and I installed it just for him and every time I played it, I was thinking about him and that automaticaly made me to love this game.
But now, I think I am going really offtopic


My advice is, if she doesn't want, do not force her to. Is she really loves you, that won't hurt your relationship. If it does, then maybe she is not the girl for you.
But I am convinced all will be okay.