A beginner's journal of little interest

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:12 pm

What I thought was a tentative recovery seems to just have been a false dawn and I've now entered a depression. The good thing about this is that depressions are far easier to deal with than mixed states and I should lead something closer to a normal life. Just not quite there obviously. Hopefully again I can stay out of hospital in this phase. My depressions tend to last months so we'll see how this pans out.

Dokuganryu · Post by **Dokuganryu** » Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:35 pm

Take care man.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Wed Jul 11, 2012 10:50 am

After a few days quite to very depressed, I'm having a good evening this evening and worked my way though my (far, far too many) OGS games. I played against IgoWin HD in bed last night which was fun enough.

I've a pretty concrete idea what I need to do now. Learn to fight better.

As far as I can see the only way to do this is to study tesuji (problems mostly, maybe some theory for the problems to drill) and play more fighting games. So while I'll still mess around with information on fuseki and the endgame this will be for fun rather than for efficient improvement. The kids are down at the grandparents for a few days, and if my mood continues to be good, I'll do some study this week hopefully! If I don't, well there's always next week etc.

Oh, and in good news, it looks like I won't be hospitalised, which is really nice. I really didn't want to go back there for another set of months (last stay was nearly 4 months long :/).

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Fri Jul 13, 2012 7:47 am

I'm getting some study done and my mood is holding up ok. I'm horribly distracted by the Steam sale of course.

What I've noticed is that tesuji problems are a quite a bit harder after a month away from the game but after 20/30 you start getting into the swing of things again. I've restarted Get Strong at Tesuji on the one star problems. My plan is to get through these relatively fast and then restart on the two star problems and get stuck into Speed Baduk 7 again. I'm also going to do some simple life and death problems from various sources. This might sound like a lot but I'm taking a relaxed approach and fitting in a few problems here and there isn't adding much stress to my day (doctor's orders to take it easy for a while in general).

If I had one wish it'd be that I'd have bought Get Strong at Tesuji at 20k KGS not 13k! I think that being exposed to these kinds of simple but clever moves (i.e. 1 and 2 star problems) early can only be a good thing. Others may disagree of course.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:09 pm

I'm getting games in on OGS but it's been difficult. I've been cycling between high and quite to very depressed quite regularly and this impairs my functioning greatly. Go, depression and benzos do not a happy mix make and I'm avoiding playing a lot because I know I'm cognitively impaired much of the time. I've gone on Automatch a few times on KGS but no one my level ever seems to be on at the same time as me which is disappointing. It's a bit annoying because I've no idea what my KGS strength is these days, I won a few games as a 12k, my rank inflated to 11k and I haven't been able to get a game in since. Most of my play is on OGS and in real life so I don't know what to expect to happen as an 11k. It could be a brutal massacre or I could be stronger than that (my money is on the former). I also haven't gotten to play someone my own level in a real time game in absolutely ages, all my real time games have been against sdks from the club. So I get to lose a lot but get some interesting games.

I must say though, it's a bit lonely being the only person my level in my city, I'd love a real life training partner to play with regularly. I've lost one of my most frequent playing partners recently because he got a job in another city so I'm down to one semi-regular guy who is going through a love/hate thing with go at the moment. Some new people have joined the club since I went into the mixed episode (I've been too anxious/nervous/whatever to leave the house in over a month) but they're either sdk or weak ddk so no true even games for me unfortunately. I'll get to give some handicaps at the club though which will be interesting, I don't get to give big handicaps out often enough in real time games. I think I'll learn something from these games.

Oh, and in happy news, my son who'd gone off go for a few months decided he wanted to play a few games with me today. He managed his first victory against me with 5 stones and a -7.5 komi on 9x9 board (I know, too many stones but he can't fight yet so he needs all the help he can get). I'm happy for him, hopefully it'll encourage him to play more often. I'm letting him explore the game at his own pace, if he wants a game I'll give him one but I won't push him to play in any way.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:10 pm

Me getting crushed by speedchase in an even game.

One horrendous blunder where due to the nature of turn based I thought I'd connected two groups when in fact I hadn't resulting in the eventual death of both. Enjoy.

speedchase · Post by **speedchase** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:30 pm

this probably wasn't your biggest mistake, but what was the idea behind t12?

EdLee · Post by **EdLee** » Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:41 pm

Still broken shapes.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 7:37 am

speedchase wrote:this probably wasn't your biggest mistake, but what was the idea behind t12?

Me being blind/not playing enough attention.

Thank you Ed.

Bill Spight · Post by **Bill Spight** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:41 am

Good to see another game.

Main focus: Beware of playing too close when attacking or fighting.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:59 am

Thank you Bill.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Thu Jul 19, 2012 6:23 pm

Finally got an Automatch game on KGS:

I'm now 10k apparently.

I'm annoyed by both the quality and rapidity of play of mine in the fuseki. I fell into the trap of playing as quickly as my opponent did. I managed to slow down more as the game progressed. This is my first ranked game on KGS in over a month, and first 19x19 game too I believe, so the 10k rating is to be taking with a large pinch of salt. I was really nervous during it as I'm so unused to real time play online and made some bad reading errors.

EdLee · Post by **EdLee** » Thu Jul 19, 2012 6:52 pm

Basics.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Thu Jul 19, 2012 7:01 pm

Thanks for the detailed comments Ed.

My thinking was which side I wanted to give him a moyo on. But yes, I was kicking myself a lot of times in this game for decisions like this one. I'm not happy with how I played at all.

jts · Post by **jts** » Thu Jul 19, 2012 7:50 pm

Try sitting on your hands while you play.

At the same time, handicap fuseki is stressful, by design. Maybe others will be horrified, but I tend not to think too hard facing 2+ stones... If I obsess over how horrible and vulnerable my position is, I'll have a headache by the time I see the first mistake. (there is a strange tendency, if you look at the malko games, for observers to make "omg w is a fake Dan can't handle so much handi" kinds of comments. The position looks bad because there's a handicap, people. You can't claw back 2 stones in ten moves.)

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A beginner's journal of little interest

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