Bill Spight wrote:You will see that Ed and I often think alike.
Bill, your Go is much higher level; I hit the right spots only once in a while.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 7:34 am
by Boidhre
So a health post:
My mood has been so labile these past two weeks. I go from being happy to sad, high to low, in a matter of hours. The swings aren't extreme enough to be worrying or be called episodes and are rather typical in bipolar from what I understand. It does make focusing on anything rather difficult though. I want to study/play go today but I just don't feel up to playing online. At the moment the only games I'm getting in are club games and the odd game at home with a friend. I'd love a real world game but that's not going to happen today. I could play a bot but of late I've found that less and less pleasant. The moves bots make at a level suitable for me are just distasteful, especially in the fuseki and if I don't enjoy playing then why bother at all? So I might start on that Lee Sedol book I picked up or something instead but I'm reminded of the adage "You can't become strong in secret." I need to be playing to improve, just replaying pro games or doing problems isn't enough at my level but I get to play relatively so little because of my illness. It's deeply frustrating. It's reflected across my life of course, it makes working very difficult, having quality time with my children even harder and so on.
So I don't know what to do, in general, when this kind of thing happens. I know it's mainly due to the medication change and (hopefully) will be temporary but we're approaching winter and I've been depressed for months every winter since I was a child so I don't know what to expect with Lithium. I'm hoping for a miracle and a winter without depression and with stable mood. Can't hurt to hope eh?
Re:
Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:27 am
by Bill Spight
EdLee wrote:
Bill Spight wrote:You will see that Ed and I often think alike.
Bill, your Go is much higher level; I hit the right spots only once in a while.
You taught me some life and death a while ago, though.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:40 am
by Bonobo
What about a depressed Go player’s league? Aka self-help group … I’d immediately join.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:41 am
by Boidhre
Bonobo wrote:What about a depressed Go player’s league? Aka self-help group … I’d immediately join.
We could play passive go together.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:46 am
by Bill Spight
Boidhre wrote:
Bonobo wrote:What about a depressed Go player’s league? Aka self-help group … I’d immediately join.
We could play passive go together.
Develop coping skills.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 11:04 am
by Bonobo
Bill Spight wrote:
Boidhre wrote:
Bonobo wrote:What about a depressed Go player’s league? Aka self-help group … I’d immediately join.
We could play passive go together.
:-D
Develop coping skills.
:-) But … that’s what I’d think a self-help group is for. Kind of a secure place for sparring. But then again … L19 already seems to be such a place. ?
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 2:36 pm
by Boidhre
Life is so odd, so today I'm playing through a pro game and find the exact position of nobi versus hane in response to a tsuke on the third line and while doing opening problems for the first time in several months I'm constantly coming across the shoulder hit for reducing a framework. Reinforced learning.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 1:18 pm
by Boidhre
Met up with Tomukaze (Tom) today for a game in a café. Great fun, we were joined by the local KGS 5d who gave us some lessons on invading etc which was nice. I played some dreadful moves ( , and in particular). He thinks I resigned too early, topazg seems to think so too, I figured I was 30-40 behind when I was resigning but looking at the game now and playing around with it a bit I think they're both right and the resignation was too early (a serious problem of mine in casual games).
Tom was playing for psychological advantage in the fuseki rather than playing standard. (Lately the guys at the club have been playing against my preferences in the fuseki rather than letting me play a game I'd be more comfortable with, this I think is going to be good for me over the long run)
Edit: Psychologically I was nervous today when playing and felt behind for the entire game. I think this shows in my game with some of the slow moves. I think I was passive in places too.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 4:27 pm
by Boidhre
2 hours of shape problems tonight from "Making Good Shape". Didn't do many of them, I took my time on each problem and played with the solutions afterwards (I was laying out the problems on a board), I was also trying to refute my own solutions on the board before looking at the answer which slowed things down a bit but which I think is a good idea. I started doing this with Life and Death and Tesuji problems during the week.
We got a new desk so I've somewhere to do work undisturbed by the kids, which doubles as a go study area now. Handy, tonight was my first time trying it in our office attic (my wife had taken over the other desk completely with her academic work which she likes being left undisturbed so the office was off-limits for me for months). It was nice to have somewhere peaceful to study go in.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 6:01 pm
by Bill Spight
A few comments.
(;FF[4]AP[GOWrite:2.2.21]GM[1]CA[ISO8859-1]ST[2]SZ[19]CH[1]DT[2012-09-13]PB[Padraig]PM[0]RU[Japanese Rules]GN[2012-09-13b]KM[0.5]FG[259:]RE[W+R]PW[Tom] ;B[pd] ;W[nc] ( ;B[pq]C[*** See variations.] ;W[qf] ( ;B[pf]C[*** See variation.] ;W[cp] ( ;B[dd]C[*** See variation.] ;W[pg]C[*** White reverts to joseki.] ;B[of] ;W[qc] ;B[qe] ;W[pc] ( ;B[og]C[*** See variations.] ;W[po] ( ;B[qm]C[*** The value of this play is uncertain, with the right side unclear. See variations.] ;W[qg] ( ;B[qo]C[*** See variation.] ;W[qn] ;B[rn] ;W[pn] ;B[qp] ;W[eq] ( ;B[cj]C[*** See variation.] ;W[fd] ;B[df] ;W[cl] ;B[ej]C[*** Single purpose play. Violates the balance of stones heuristic. In the local region Black is now two stones ahead. ] ;W[jd]C[*** Ouch!] ;B[fc]C[*** Strengthens both sides, but Black is already strong here. Violates the balance of stones.] ( ;W[cc]C[*** Overplay. See variation.] ( ;B[cd]C[*** In a complicated situation, you are sort of going for safety. Divide and conquer. See variation.] ;W[ec] ( ;B[dc] ;W[ed] ;B[db] ;W[eb] ( ;B[dm]C[*** See variation.] ;W[dl] ( ;B[fm]C[*** See variation.] ;W[di] ;B[dj] ;W[bn] ;B[el]C[*** Good for Black. White played poorly.] ;W[oh] ;B[nh] ;W[oi] ;B[mg] ;W[ni] ( ;B[md]C[*** Small. Black wants to invade the top side. See variation.] ;W[mh] ;B[mc] ;W[lg] ( ;B[mf]C[*** See variation.] ;W[kc]C[*** Can Black live?] ;B[oc] ( ;W[od] ( ;B[ob] ( ;W[re] ;B[pb] ;W[oq] ( ;B[fp]C[*** See variation.] ;W[fq] ;B[gp] ;W[pr] ;B[qr] ;W[or] ( ;B[qs]C[*** See variation.] ;W[eg] ( ;B[dg]C[*** Black is secure all around. Time to fight. See variation.] ;W[eh] ( ;B[ch]C[*** See variations.] ;W[kq] ( ;B[lp]C[*** See variation.] ;W[lq] ;B[mp] ;W[kp] ;B[ln] ;W[ko] ;B[nn] ;W[pm] ( ;B[km]C[*** See variation. End of comments.] ;W[rm] ;B[ro] ;W[ql] ;B[lh] ;W[ng] ;B[nf] ;W[rq] ;B[qq] ;W[kh] ;B[li] ;W[kg] ;B[ki] ;W[ji] ;RB[] ) ( ;B[ql]C[*** Of course.] )
) ( ;B[pm] ;W[nn] ;B[qj] )
) ( ;B[ci]C[*** Usual connection. But small.] )
( ;B[fe] ( ;W[ee]C[*** Does not work.] ;B[ef] ;W[ff] ;B[fg] ;W[ge] ;B[fh] ) ( ;W[ge] ;B[ff] ;W[gh] ;B[gd] ( ;W[hd] ;B[gc] ;W[hc] ;B[he] ;W[gf] ;B[gg] ;W[hf] ;B[hg] ;W[if] ;B[fg] ;W[fh] ;B[hh] ) ( ;W[gc] ;B[hd] ;W[he] ;B[ie] ;W[gg] ;B[id]C[*** Black has a good bit of play. Difficult for White, I think.] )
) ( ;B[ed]C[*** Get something out of the Black stone.] ( ;W[dc] ;B[fb] ;W[bd] ;B[be] ;W[bc] ;B[gd] ;W[fe] ;B[hc] ) ( ;W[fb] ;B[gc] ;W[dc] ;B[gb] ;W[eb] ;B[ge] )
)
) ( ;B[dc]C[*** Threatens the White stone, saves the Black stone.] ;W[bd] ;B[cd] ;W[bb] ;B[cb] ;W[bc] ;B[be] ;W[db] ;B[eb] ;W[ca]C[*** A terrible result for White.] )
) ( ;W[gc] ;B[ec] ;W[gd]C[*** Good for White, who has been strengthened.] )
) ( ;B[pm]C[*** Pretty much double sente. Big.] )
) ( ;B[pi]C[*** Threatens the three White stones.] ;W[re] ;B[np]C[*** Now the single White stone.] )
) ( ;B[ph]C[*** This may be slow, but it threatens the pincer at R-07.] )
( ;B[qk]C[*** An unusual play, but it prevents White from staking out the right side and making the Black position in the top right into dame.] )
) ( ;B[qg]C[*** Joseki, but a bit outdated, perhaps. ] )
( ;B[rf]C[*** This takes away the threat to connect by the stones on the side.] )
) ( ;B[qc]C[*** Now both White stones in the top right corner are weak, while Black is strong.] )
) ( ;B[oe] ;W[qc] ;B[cp]C[*** Black takes sente. He may later sacrifice the stones in the top right corner.] )
) ( ;B[pq] ;W[cd]C[*** White sets up a mini-Chinese.] )
( ;B[dc]C[*** Aiming at a pincer. White is unlikely to approach this corner from the top.] )
)
Focus: Make multi-purpose plays. Consider the balance of the stones.
Edit: Added a variation or two for the top side invasion.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 6:11 pm
by Boidhre
Thank you very much Bill. I'll try to pay more attention to the balance of stones in my next serious game.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2012 8:00 am
by Boidhre
Go as a form of meditation/coping technique:
So today I woke with a lot of restless energy (felt like the beginnings of an unpleasant high ). I tried living with it for a few hours but no joy, no decrease. So I decided to try doing go problems as a form of mindfulness meditation like Ed suggested to me quite some time ago. It worked well enough, I was able to get absorbed in the problems for an hour, though it was quite difficult. Unfortunately there's only so long one can do go problems for when like this, so I had to stop and the full force of the restless energy returned. Though I did get a break for a while which was nice. I'm going to try music for a while, listening mindfully, to see if I can get another respite. But I was impressed with go in this regard, it worked quite well.
I've had to resort to medication though to take the edge off, with my lability of mood the past while and this now today I'm slightly worried. So, let's see if a combination of Rivotril and Schubert can keep me stable for a nice while.
Addendum:
Reading through Attack and Defense's chapters on forcing and inducing moves and doing problems in Making Good Shape are starting to fill holes for me in the middlegame. They're giving me ideas for what I should be looking for in various situations rather than just playing passively. I'm curious to see how this affects my go over the next few weeks.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2012 8:08 pm
by Boidhre
Was feeling very low about go tonight and my subjective lack of improvement, so I decided to do some problems to pass the time waiting for sleep and then I decided to play out a game from "Single Digit Kyu Commentaries Volume 1" by Yuan Zhou. I must say this book is excellent. I think it'll take a few rereads and playthroughs before the lessons and points really sink in but a) the games make perfect sense to me, b) I'm seeing some new moves which can only be a good things and c) the commentary is excellent and very well aimed I think.
So if you're around my level, I highly recommend this book, both for having understandable games and for top class commentary to show the mistakes being made which might not be apparent to you.
Re: A beginner's journal of little interest
Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2012 10:19 am
by Boidhre
Feeling pretty depressed at the moment and don't feel much like playing strangers online so the plan is:
1) Finish playing out games from Single Digit Kyu Commentaries Volume 1. I'm trying to take a few things from each game. Then start on Volume 2, then rinse and repeat. I enjoy playing out games so this is pleasant enough.
2) Continue doing problems from 1001 L&D and Making Good Shape. Laying them out on a board before trying to solve them dramatically slows down solving speed but I think it's a good idea.
3) Finish reading Attack and Defense, pick up Davie's Tesuji where I left it off at ko's. Both books will need rereading many times.
4) Keep going to the go club and meeting up with friends for games during the week. I need to get some games in and real life games seem easier for me to handle than online games for some reason.
Am I wrong in avoiding online play? I can't decide. I feel like I'm playing both negatively and poorly at the moment. I should practice opposite action and play online I think but it's so hard to make myself do it. So perhaps I should scrap the above plan and focus on getting more games in. We'll see going forwards. I think a lot of it is performance anxiety rather than rank anxiety, I don't particularly care about my rank on KGS because I play so little on it. I'm more worried about playing really poorly, then feeling really bad because I played poorly and playing my next game even worse because of the baggage. The thing is this is a perfect example of the kind of negatively reinforcing behaviour that I need to get past to improve my psychological health so perhaps playing and learning to deal with the resultant negativity is exactly what I need to be doing. Hmmm.
Anyway, I'm going to do the four things above regardless. I'll have a good long thing about motivating myself to play more tonight. Hopefully I can get out of this trap that's causing me to avoid play.
right away at (a). However... 
, 
in particular). He thinks I resigned too early, topazg seems to think so too, I figured I was 30-40 behind when I was resigning but looking at the game now and playing around with it a bit I think they're both right and the resignation was too early (a serious problem of mine in casual games). 
). I tried living with it for a few hours but no joy, no decrease. So I decided to try doing go problems as a form of mindfulness meditation like Ed suggested to me quite some time ago. It worked well enough, I was able to get absorbed in the problems for an hour, though it was quite difficult. Unfortunately there's only so long one can do go problems for when like this, so I had to stop and the full force of the restless energy returned. Though I did get a break for a while which was nice. I'm going to try music for a while, listening mindfully, to see if I can get another respite. But I was impressed with go in this regard, it worked quite well.