A beginner's journal of little interest

[mitsun]

You seem to have learned a standard sequence to consolidate corner territory under the hoshi point. Good, this will help improve your game. Now, to improve past this point, you have to unlearn this sequence

In general, kicking and then descending to take the corner has the consequence of strengthening W on the outside. So when strengthening W does not matter, this sequence is good. But when W is weak and subject to attack, it is likely better to keep the attack possibilities open.

One sometimes useful way to think about this is to imagine letting W invade the corner at the 3-3 point. In the continuation, assume W lives and B builds outside thickness. How effective would that thickness be? If there are nearby W positions to attack or invade, so that the thickness compensates for the corner loss, then perhaps enclosing the corner is not the best plan.

Here is a position where kicking and taking the corner is good:

$$ good
$$ ---------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . X . O . . O . .
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . 3 1 . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O 2 . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O . O . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ good
$$ ---------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . X . O . . O . .
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . 3 1 . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O 2 . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O . O . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . .[/go]

Here is a position from your game where the kick is bad, because it helps W strengthen a very weak position.

$$ B to play
$$ ---------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . X . O . . .
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . O . . . . . .
$$ | . . . O X X . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . X . X . X . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ B to play
$$ ---------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . X . O . . .
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . O . . . . . .
$$ | . . . O X X . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . X . X . X . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .[/go]

Here is a position from your game where the kick is bad, because it helps W strengthen and expand a large framework.

$$ B to play
$$ ---------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . X . O . . .
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . , . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O . O . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ B to play
$$ ---------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . X . O . . .
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . , . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . O . O . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . .[/go]

[Boidhre]

Thank you mitsun, very clear.

[Boidhre]

My concentration was quite poor today at the club, e.g. I missed an atari for a 14 point group. I'm not overly surprised, I've lost nearly a bit under 6kg (12ish pounds) of weight in the past week due to losing my appetite and feel somewhat depressed. Today I've managed a small sandwich so far and it's 9pm. If I eat too much I feel very nauseous. It's annoying. I was on the heavy side of normal and am tall enough that I can drop 6kg and not be in trouble but if I keep dropping weight at this rate I will be in trouble quite quickly. I'll be chatting to my doctor tomorrow about it. I'm hoping this clears up before the tournament, I'd hate to play a tournament when I'm barely eating with the lack of energy and such that that causes, as well as not wanting to continue this lack of appetite that long. One of my main worries at the moment is that this could end me back inside of hospital if I lose too much weight which I really don't want to happen. Psychiatric hospital is one of those places you only want to be if you're *really* sick, otherwise it's quite head-wrecking and while my appetite reduction is severe enough that I'm losing far more weight than is healthy, my mood is not so low as to warrant hospitalisation.

I've been reading Single Digit Kyu Commentaries Volume 2 and finding plenty blindspots in myself. The series is quite good for this. Guess the next move and when you're inevitably wrong you'll learn something about where you should have played or why you shouldn't have played where you did.

[Boidhre]

Oh and one thing I found interesting today: I felt incredibly dumb and lost at the board. I hadn't forgotten much or anything, I just realised the vast amount I'd no clue about whilst playing. Sometimes a bit of depressions lifts the veil a bit and lets you see what's really there. It was of course accompanied by self-defeating thoughts like "why bother if after this long you still feel clueless?" and similar but I'm trying to look at it as playing a complete knowledge game imperfectly where feeling overwhelmed by the complexity of the game is completely normal.

[EdLee]

...self-defeating thoughts like "why bother if after this long you still feel clueless?"

Yes -- from people's experience in different areas (including Go), this "clueless" feeling comes and goes, and is very normal.
Every once in a while, when there's a huge brick wall, the "clueless" feeling is spectacularly intense;
but once you persevere past this temporary wall/plateau/fog (insert other analogies as you please),
the "clueless" feeling also goes away... until the next time.

[Bill Spight]

Cluelessness is good. It indicates an open mind, one ready to learn.

[Boidhre]

Cluelessness is good. It indicates an open mind, one ready to learn.

Or a lost cause depending on the circumstances.

[skydyr]

It's a well documented phenomenon that the unskilled think they are more skilled at something than they actually are, because they are not competent enough to assess whether they are skilled or not. It follows that as you become more skilled, you think you are worse because you realize how much you don't know. But don't worry... I hear this fades slightly by the time you become a pro.

For reference:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

[Boidhre]

It's a well documented phenomenon that the unskilled think they are more skilled at something than they actually are, because they are not competent enough to assess whether they are skilled or not. It follows that as you become more skilled, you think you are worse because you realize how much you don't know. But don't worry... I hear this fades slightly by the time you become a pro.

For reference:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

That makes a lot of sense.

[Boidhre]

It looks like I'll be going to the go tournament depressed. I won't bore ye with the details. This is a real pity as I've been looking forward to it for months. I don't want to go but I will make myself because I'll just beat myself up if I skip it. I'm very negative though, I thought I was losing a game last night when I was ahead by more than 50 points at the end. The good thing to take from that game though was that I didn't curl up and accept "defeat" but kept fighting and reducing.

I'll probably enter the tournament at 10k based off what the stronger players in the club have been telling me. We'll see how that goes tomorrow.

[tomukaze]

I hope the tournament cheers you up, or rather has a positive impact on you! Just finished setting up the room and it looks lovely, it's going to be a wonderful tournament!
See you there tomorrow and rememeber keep fighting

[Boidhre]

Playing terribly, got hammered in two games, won the first one. First game was a straightforward win, I made a bigger moyo, he tried to live inside, he died. Second game was a complete mishandling of the Chinese Opening (my mind went blank and I didn't even recognise it for what it was). Third game was another mind ****, I didn't even recognise a ladder breaker when it was played. Various things led to another and I lost by 30 odd points. I hate playing whilst depressed, doing it under tournament conditions with short time settings is even worse. I really felt like I'd entered at too strong a rank at 10k but I know it's the depression clouding my mind more than anything else. It is nice meeting all the go people though, that's been very pleasant. We'll see if I can scrape together another win tomorrow.

The games are fast so I'm not recording them this tournament.

[Boidhre]

One good thing is playing "strangers" (either players I've never met before or people I've met once). I feel a lot more like playing online now that I've had some embarrassingly bad losses against people I don't know well.

[Boidhre]

Played a bit better today though I was still making silly mistakes. One win against an 8k by 20 odd and one loss to a 9k by 17.5 (I made a silly misread and ignored a 12 point threat). I noticed one thing, all my losses were when I was white and I hardly ever play as white since I lack someone my own rank everyone is either stronger than me or so much weaker that I'm giving a handicap. I need to get more practice in playing even games as white, it felt very foreign to me.

Good things to take away from the tournament:

Despite being depressed I was able to not fall into the trap of beating myself up over losses. Disappointed sure but not building it up into something it's not.

All the life and death puzzles paid dividends, I succeeded in three life and death situations over the tournament and failed in none.

Go people are nice and a reason to go to these tournaments in themselves.

Lessons to take:

I need a lot more game practice and exposure to different styles of play.

I should attack more, close combat was the most fun for me during the tournament.

I need to invade more. I delayed invading a few times over the tournament only for my opponent to turn the area into territory.

[tomukaze]

I should attack more, close combat was the most fun for me during the tournament.

Finally seeing the light
Our games should get much more interesting from now on.