Life In 19x19

Solomon wrote:

Kirby wrote:So it's a little funny to me, but maybe my conclusion from all of this rambling is that I should allocate some time in the week to be sufficiently social with other people and/or to affiliate with some sort of group. Maybe if I can do a better job of fulfilling this desire, I can have more motivation to focus on other endeavors, such as self-actualization and/or esteem

If the SGC is a bit out of reach, feel free to stop by on Thursday nights at Crossroads! I, Harpreet 3d, and several others show up pretty consistently .

Thanks, Solomon. Maybe I'll do that one of these days

We need to start having a battle of the bridges or something here...

oren wrote:We need to start having a battle of the bridges or something here...

East side of Seattle vs. the west side?

(Sad thing is, at first, I accidentally typed "the hospital" instead of "Seattle"... I've been here too long )

We are home from the first cycle of my son's high-dose chemotherapy. He has recovered well so far. My manager has been flexible with the time that I'm working, but now I'm back to a somewhat normal schedule. I think this is a good opportunity to evaluate what direction I want to take in life - at least for the next 6 weeks, before we do a second cycle of the high-dose chemotherapy.

I evaluated what's important to me in life. Two categories are clear: my health and my family. Above all, I need to allocate time to exercise and stay fit, and also to spend quality time with my kids and wife. These categories are not optional.

I then considered various optional activities in my life, which I think might be interesting to pursue. Here they are, in the order that I happened to list them:

• Go
• Creating an iPhone app
• Increasing my aptitude at work (I'm a software engineer for the SQL Server engine)
• Ranking up on a programming site (e.g. TopCoder, HackerRank, etc.)
• Gaining expertise in machine learning - this is what I studied for my master's degree
• Making a website
• Increasing my Korean language ability
• Gaining a better understanding of computer networks and/or "hacking" type activities - I'm not that knowledgeable with this, but it's a little interesting to me
• Learning about graphic design - another thing I don't know much about, but is slightly interesting
• Increasing my Japanese language ability
• Learning Chinese

It would be nice if I spent sufficient time to gain expertise and/or achieve all of the aforementioned skills. However, based on past experience, I don't learn anything that well when I spread myself too thin. It's easiest when I focus on one area to improve. If I had a dozen lives to live, I could pursue all of these with vigor. But I only have one life, so I have to achieve better focus.

I revisited the list to prune it a bit, cutting out items that I definitely felt more comfortable leaving out:

• Go
• Creating an iPhone app
• Increasing my aptitude at work (I'm a software engineer for the SQL Server engine)
• Ranking up on a programming site (e.g. TopCoder, HackerRank, etc.)
• Gaining expertise in machine learning - this is what I studied for my master's degree
• Making a website
• Increasing my Korean language ability
• Gaining a better understanding of computer networks and/or "hacking" type activities - I'm not that knowledgeable with this, but it's a little interesting to me
• Learning about graphic design - another thing I don't know much about, but is slightly interesting
• Increasing my Japanese language ability
• Learning Chinese

In some ways, gaining expertise in machine learning can be beneficial toward increasing my aptitude at work. So it comes down to go vs. my day job.

1. On one hand, I can simply pursue both go and my day job. If I could get expertise in both, that would be somewhat satisfying.
2. On the other hand, to get really good at either of these, it has to be a part of my identity. I know that I work best with focus. Maybe I'm simple minded in this way.

Labeling the two options, I can make a comparison:
A: Focus on go, with my identity as a go player. Gain enough expertise at work to get by and keep my job.
B: Focus on becoming an expert at my work, with my identity as a software engineer. Play go now and then for fun, maybe attend a tournament here and there.

Here's a list of pros and cons:


To summarize the list, I have the feeling that Option B is a more logical choice, especially given that I spend so much time at work - it would be good to be spending my time on something that aligns with my identity and passion. On the other hand, Option B is not what I feel I should do. I have a long history with go, and it's difficult to ignore that.

One solution is to do enough at work to get by, and to spend most of my time thinking about go - or find ways to study go while at work. Maybe I've done this to some degree thus far in my career. There is some feeling of guilt associated with that, however. My company has given me a lot of money, and the insurance has helped tremendously during this time that my family is having a medical situation. It seems somewhat disrespectful to ignore that.

Another solution is to be passionate about work during the ~8 hours that I'm at work, and only during that time. When I have time to study in the evening, be passionate about go.

It's a little hard to flip the switch back and forth like that, though... Maybe that's all it is. Perhaps I just need to get better at switching that switch: while I'm at work, I should be a superstar at work. While I'm at home, after the kids have gone to bed, I should be 100% for go. Some of my colleagues also work on work during the evenings when they get home - it'll be hard to compete with those guys, I suppose.

I'm not sure I've made a 100% resolution on this, but the latter solution is what I'm leaning toward.

Though, I'm not sure if posting this on L19 during my lunch break is really consistent with that line of thought. Maybe I can start from after lunch

While I would miss your regular posts here, I think focusing on work is something you need to try. The idea has been nagging at you for a long time, and I don't think any amount of assurance from others that go is a noble pursuit will give you peace; you need to try it out on your own. Give yourself a set amount of time (e.g. 6 months) and evaluate whether changing your focus is working for you. It might not; the mind is a fickle thing, and we can't always choose your passions. On the other hand, letting go recede to a secondary place in your life might be freeing. Our passions can become obsessions and occupy an unhealthy place in our lives if we allow them to do so.

Best of luck, and may peace rest upon you.

It sounds like you really want to keep playing go, but between these two choices you are feeling "forced" into what you see as the more logical decision. For me, I don't see these options as exclusive as you do.

We all work in different ways so this may not make sense for you, but then again it might. I tend to treat a hobby like go similar to the way you are treating exercise. You did not explain your reasoning for prioritizing exercise, but I'm going to guess that it has something to do with the fact that by keeping healthy it is a sort of necessary condition for being able to do all of the other things on your list. At least for me, having a creative outlet for exercising my mind and socializing is as important as exercising regularly and similarly enhances the other important areas of my life. I find that I get the following from it:

1. I get to take an intellectual break. I love my job, but if I don't have a way to put it down for a bit, I go crazy. Exercise is a kind of break, but since my work is as cerebral as yours, I need a period in which I shift mentally to different kinds of problems. In fact, I often find that I'm very productive at work after I have taken some hobby time.

2. Like you, it's just enjoyable for me to do!

3. It is an important social outlet, as you say, and social outlets are important for your sanity. Note the community with whom you have chosen to have this conversation! The social connections you get from this game are clearly important. And they can even support the family and work goals by providing supportive discussions or just a period of escape when things are difficult on those two fronts.

4. I have also started trying to use go to connect with my family. I play my oldest (who is quite young) on a 9x9 board, giver her six stones, and she usually just beats me. (Tsumego is hopeless, but with 6 stones on a 9x9 board, she creates a living shape without realizing it ). I'm hoping that as they get older, this is something we can share.

5. Finally, this is a bit more abstract, but I have also found that many of the "problems" that I've solved with go are useful in other areas too. I suspect this is true for any hobby, but since the goal is self-improvement, learning how to improve in one activity can help you figure out how to improve in others. For example, the way that I've approached studying go has changed the way that I study things to gain skills at work. And while I acknowledge that this is speculative, go in particular really trains your mind to think in unique ways. I'm finding it to be a little like the experience of learning to program. Even if you never use the skill in another area, it teaches you to think in ways that can be broadly useful outside of the game.

1. Save up enough money to be able to take a year-long sabbatical while supporting your family.
2. Fly to Korea with the family and study Go full-time at an academy, discussing with the headmaster your intent not to become a professional, but to utilize the year you have to improve as much as possible. I think if you studied hard for a year and only focused on Go in that year, you could hit insei level.
3. Fly back to the states and go back to work. You've practically reached the highest possible playing strength while maintaining a career outside of Go, so I think this is the best you could get. Crush some local Seattle Go Center rating tournaments to update rank to 7d, attend the US Masters.
4. Work on the rest of your goals.

Thanks for the responses. You all bring up very good points.

Tonight I realized that while I am introspective and thinking about what I should be doing I'm actually not doing much work or study.

It's during those times that I've become depressed or try to think of what I should be doing to better optimize my time.

I think I can probably find happiness in both go, and in my job... I should just spend more time actually doing those things and less time thinking about doing them.

I think at this point it doesn't matter whether I'm doing go or whether I'm doing my office work - I should just be doing SOMETHING

In the spirit of doing stuff rather than being so introspective, here is a game I played on KGS.

I played as black. It's the first non-AYD game I played online for a long time, so I had a [?] ranking. I played a relatively fast game compared to what I'm used to (10 minutes main time + 20x3 byoyomi).

Usually I play 30 minute games, so this was a bit different.

Anyway, here's a quick review.

Just a couple of highlights...

1.) I think the cut here is an overplay:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 20
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . O B . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . X O . O , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . X . . . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

I explain why in the SGF, but I can't seem to get a variation that I like.

Maybe it's better to just be "soft" and let his group stay weak while I make some territory.

At least it's simpler:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 20
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . 2 . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . 1 O . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . X O . O , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . X . . . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

2.) Actually, I'm not 100% sure, but I feel like this move:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 36
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X X . X . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . O X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . O O X X O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . X O O O , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . O O . X B . . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . O X X . . X O . . X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

might be inferior to this move:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 36
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X X . X . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . O X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . O O X X O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . X O O O , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . O O . X . . . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . O X X . B X O . . X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

I clicked through a few variations in the SGF, but my reading is a little weak right now. My feeling is that I might be able to get a better result.

3.) If I'm going to die, maybe it's better to just let us both live with me ending in gote:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 42
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X X . X . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . O X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . O O X X O . X . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . X O O O O X . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . O O . X X O . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . O X X 1 . X O . O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X 3 2 . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

4.) I think this move is probably an overplay:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 106
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . O O X . X X . . . . . . O . O . . . |
$$ | . X O . X O O X . . . X X O . O X . . |
$$ | . X . O O . B O . , . X O . O X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . O . . . . . . O . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X . X . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X X X X . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O O . . X O X . . . |
$$ | . . . O X . . . X X O O X X O . X . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O . . O O O O X . . |
$$ | . . X . . X . . O O O . . O . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . O . . . O . O O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . O . O . O O X X X X |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Probably better to hold back:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 106
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . O O X . X X . . . . . . O . O . . . |
$$ | . X O . X O O X B . . X X O . O X . . |
$$ | . X . O O . . O . , . X O . O X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . O . . . . . . O . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X . X . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X X X X . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O O . . X O X . . . |
$$ | . . . O X . . . X X O O X X O . X . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O . . O O O O X . . |
$$ | . . X . . X . . O O O . . O . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . O . . . O . O O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . O . O . O O X X X X |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

5.) I think he let me off easy with this move:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 139
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . O O X . X X X . O X . . O . O . . . |
$$ | . X O . X O O X O O . X X O . O X . . |
$$ | . X . O O O X O O , O X O . O X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . O X X X O . X O . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X . X O O . X X O W . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . X X O O . . X X . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O . . . X O O O . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . X X . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . . . . . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X X X X . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O O . . X O X . . . |
$$ | . . . O X . . . X X O O X X O . X . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O . . O O O O X . . |
$$ | . . X . . X . . O O O . . O . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . O . . . O . O O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . O . O . O O X X X X |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Things would have been trickier if he played here:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 139
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . O O X . X X X . O X . . O . O . . . |
$$ | . X O . X O O X O O W X X O . O X . . |
$$ | . X . O O O X O O , O X O . O X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . O X X X O . X O . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X . X O O . X X O . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . X X O O . . X X . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O . . . X O O O . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . X X . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . , . . . . . , X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X X X X . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O O . . X O X . . . |
$$ | . . . O X . . . X X O O X X O . X . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O . . O O O O X . . |
$$ | . . X . . X . . O O O . . O . O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . O . . . O . O O O X . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . O . O . O O X X X X |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

That's about it for this game. It was a pretty quick game, but it was good to play something instead of complaining all of the time on here.

Played another game today, because why not?

I lost to KGS 1k by 0.5 points. I literally gave him the last endgame point. I assumed I was way behind somehow, since I died earlier, and didn't think much about playing good endgame. I guess I had a lot of points, so I should have been more careful.

I guess that's not an excuse to ignore the endgame. I had a similar attitude of laziness when he killed my group.

Maybe it's the fast time settings, or maybe I just want to have fun more than to improve at go.

Either way, here's a brief review:

Some highlights.

Position 1:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 52
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . X . . O . X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O , O W . . . , . X X X . X O . . |
$$ | . . O X X . X . . X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X X O . . . . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X , . . . . . , . . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O X . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . . . . . . . . O X O O . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . X . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . O . O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

I don't think the move above is that useful. I should probably just try to reduce the center, and the game should be fine.

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 52
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . X . . O . X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O , O . . . . , . X X X . X O . . |
$$ | . . O X X . X . . X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X X O . . . . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . W . . . . . . O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X , . . . . . , . . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O X . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . . . . . . . . O X O O . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . X . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . O . O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

I think something like the move above should be fine for this.

Position 2:

Same here:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 72
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . O . . . . O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . X . X O . X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O , O O X . . , . X X X . X O . . |
$$ | . O O X X O X . X X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O O . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . X . X X X . . . . . . . X . . O . . |
$$ | . O X . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X , . . . . . , . . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . X . . . . . . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O X . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . W . O . . . . O X O O . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . X . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . O . O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Somewhat naive. I should just focus on the center, now:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 72
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . O . . . . O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . X . X O . X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O , O O X . . , . X X X . X O . . |
$$ | . O O X X O X . X X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O O . . . . . . . O . . . |
$$ | . X . X X X . . . . . . . X . . O . . |
$$ | . O X . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X , . . . . . W . . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . X . . . . . . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O X . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . . . O . . . . O X O O . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . X . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . O . O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Position 3:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 116
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . O . . . . O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . X . X O . X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O , O O X O . X . X X X . X O . . |
$$ | . O O X X O X X X X . X . X O . . . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O O O O O X X O O O . . . |
$$ | . X . X X X O X X X . O O X . . O . . |
$$ | . O X . O W X O . . O O X X . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . O X X . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X , . O O . . O X O . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . X X O . O . X . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . X X X X . . X . . . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O X . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . O . O . . . . O X O O . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . X . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . O . . . . . O . O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Mindless mistake. I think I should just play here:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 116
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . O . . . . O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . X . X O . X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O , O O X O . X . X X X . X O . . |
$$ | . O O X X O X X X X . X . X O . . . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O O O O O X X O O O . . . |
$$ | . X . X X X O X X X . O O X . . O . . |
$$ | . O X . O . X O W . O O X X . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . O X X . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X , . O O . . O X O . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . X X O . O . X . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . X X X X . . X . . . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O X . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . O . O . . . . O X O O . |
$$ | . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . X . . . . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . O . . . . . O . O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Position 4:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 142
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . O . . . . O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . X . X O . X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O , O O X O . X . X X X . X O . . |
$$ | . O O X X O X X X X . X . X O . . . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O O O O O X X O O O . . . |
$$ | . X . X X X O X X X X . . X . . O . . |
$$ | . O X . O O . O . X . . X X . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . O . O X . X X . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X X O O O . . O X O . . . , W . . |
$$ | . . . . X X O . O . X . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . X X X X . . X . . . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O X . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . O O O . . X . O X O O . |
$$ | . . . . . X X X X X X X O X . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . O O . . X O O O . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . O . O X . . O . O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Sometimes, in go, I feel like I'm invincible. I felt invincible here, but of course, of course, the rules of life and death apply to me, too

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 142
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . O . . . . O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . . X . X O . X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O , O O X O . X . X X X . X O . . |
$$ | . O O X X O X X X X . X . X O . . . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O O O O O X X O O O . . . |
$$ | . X . X X X O X X X X . . X . . O . . |
$$ | . O X . O O . O . X . . X X . . . . . |
$$ | . . . W . . O . O X . X X . . X . . . |
$$ | . . X X O O O . . O X O . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . X X O . O . X . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . X X X X . . X . . . X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O X . . |
$$ | . . O . . . . O O O . . X . O X O O . |
$$ | . . . . . X X X X X X X O X . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O . O O . . X O O O . . X . . . |
$$ | . . . . . X . O . O X . . O . O O . . |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . O . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Position 5:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 240
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . O X X X O O . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . O O X X O O O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . O X . X O X X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O O O O X O . X . X X X O X O . . |
$$ | . O O X X O X X X X X X . X O . . . . |
$$ | . O X X . X . . . . . X X O O O . O . |
$$ | O X X X X X . X X X X . . X . X O . . |
$$ | O O X . . . . . X X . . X X X X X O O |
$$ | . O X X X X . X . X . X X . O X O O X |
$$ | O X X X . . . X X , X O . . O X O O X |
$$ | O X O O X X . . . X X . . X X O O O X |
$$ | . O O . . X X X X X . . X . O X X X X |
$$ | . . . O O X . . . . . . . . X . X X X |
$$ | . . O X O O X O O O . . X . O X O O . |
$$ | . . O X X X X X X X X X O X . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O X O O O X X O O O O X X . X X |
$$ | . . . . O X . O X O X . . O X O O O O |
$$ | . . . O . O . O X O . . . W O . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . O . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

The marked move, above, was the grand finale! Of course, I should play the last move that gives points!

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 240
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . O X X X O O . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . O O X X O O O O . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . O . O X . X O X X O O X . O . . |
$$ | . . O O O O X O . X . X X X O X O . . |
$$ | . O O X X O X X X X X X . X O . . . . |
$$ | . O X X . X . . . . . X X O O O . O . |
$$ | O X X X X X . X X X X . . X . X O . . |
$$ | O O X . . . . . X X . . X X X X X O O |
$$ | . O X X X X . X . X . X X . O X O O X |
$$ | O X X X . . . X X , X O . . O X O O X |
$$ | O X O O X X . . . X X . . X X O O O X |
$$ | . O O . W X X X X X . . X . O X X X X |
$$ | . . . O O X . . . . . . . . X . X X X |
$$ | . . O X O O X O O O . . X . O X O O . |
$$ | . . O X X X X X X X X X O X . X X X . |
$$ | . . . O X O O O X X O O O O X X . X X |
$$ | . . . . O X . O X O X . . O X O O O O |
$$ | . . . O . O . O X O . . . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . O . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

---

Do I feel like I could have won this game? Yes, I think so. Maybe my attitude wasn't right, though. I felt very confident, and ignored his threat to kill my group. I also played slack endgame.

I am trying to get used to faster time controls, so maybe that's part of the problem. Then again, maybe I need to be more humble.

Anyway, I had fun. I'll try to keep playing often.

I used my other account, and played against KGS 1k, giving 2 stones today. I won, but again, I gave a chance for him to win in the end.

Gotta stop doing that. I think it's overconfidence.

Here's a brief review:

Highlights...

Position 1:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 29
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . , . . . X . X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O O . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O O . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . O . . . X O X O . . |
$$ | . . W . . O . . . . . . X . X X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

I'm trying to do too much with the 3-3, above, I think. I think it's more reasonable to just continue with one of my groups:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 29
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . , . . . X . X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . X X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O O . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . X . . . . . . . . . . . O . . . . |
$$ | . . . , . . . . . , . . . . . , . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . O . O . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . W . X . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O O . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . O . . . X O X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . O . . . . . . X . X X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Position 2:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 121
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . W . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . X . . O . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . , . . . X . X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X . X X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . X . X O O O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . O O X X . O X X . |
$$ | . . X . . . . O O . . . O O O . O O X |
$$ | . . . , . . O . X , X . O . . O . . X |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . O O X X X X X O |
$$ | . X O O O O X X X X X O X O . . O O . |
$$ | . . X O X O O O O O O X X X X X O . O |
$$ | . O X X X X . . . . O O O X . . O O . |
$$ | . O . . . . . . . X X X X O O O . X X |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . O . . . X O X O O . |
$$ | . . O X X O . X . . . . X . X X O . . |
$$ | . O O O X . . . . X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Probably this slide is too much. I should probably jump out.

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 121
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . X . . O . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . , . . . X . X X . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . W . . . . . . O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . . X . X X O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . X . X O O O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . O O X X . O X X . |
$$ | . . X . . . . O O . . . O O O . O O X |
$$ | . . . , . . O . X , X . O . . O . . X |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . O O X X X X X O |
$$ | . X O O O O X X X X X O X O . . O O . |
$$ | . . X O X O O O O O O X X X X X O . O |
$$ | . O X X X X . . . . O O O X . . O O . |
$$ | . O . . . . . . . X X X X O O O . X X |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . O . . . X O X O O . |
$$ | . . O X X O . X . . . . X . X X O . . |
$$ | . O O O X . . . . X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Position 3:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 181
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . a . O . X . . |
$$ | . . . . O X . . X X O . . O X X . X . |
$$ | . O O O X X . X X O . O . O O O X . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O . O , . . . X X X X . . |
$$ | O X X X X X . . O O O . . . . . O . . |
$$ | O O O X O . X . X O X X X . X X O . . |
$$ | . X X O . . . . X X O X . X O O O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . X O O X X . O X X . |
$$ | . . X . . . . O O O X O O O O . O O X |
$$ | . . . , . . O . X , X . O . . O . . X |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . O O X X X X X O |
$$ | . X O O O O X X X X X O X O . . O O . |
$$ | . W X O X O O O O O O X X X X X O . O |
$$ | . O X X X X . . . . O O O X . . O O . |
$$ | . O . . . . . . . X X X X O O O . X X |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . O . . . X O X O O . |
$$ | . . O X X O . X . . . . X . X X O . . |
$$ | . O O O X . . . . X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

The move above is a big point, but I totally missed my opponent's move on top at 'a'.

I should defend that area, I think.

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 181
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . . . . . O . X . . |
$$ | . . . . O X . . X X O . . O X X . X . |
$$ | . O O O X X . X X O . O . O O O X . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O . O , . . W X X X X . . |
$$ | O X X X X X . . O O O . . . . . O . . |
$$ | O O O X O . X . X O X X X . X X O . . |
$$ | . X X O . . . . X X O X . X O O O . . |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . X O O X X . O X X . |
$$ | . . X . . . . O O O X O O O O . O O X |
$$ | . . . , . . O . X , X . O . . O . . X |
$$ | . . . . . . . . . . . O O X X X X X O |
$$ | . X O O O O X X X X X O X O . . O O . |
$$ | . . X O X O O O O O O X X X X X O . O |
$$ | . O X X X X . . . . O O O X . . O O . |
$$ | . O . . . . . . . X X X X O O O . X X |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . O . . . X O X O O . |
$$ | . . O X X O . X . . . . X . X X O . . |
$$ | . O O O X . . . . X . . . . . . . . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

Hard to see white losing the position above.

Position 4:

Click Here To Show Diagram Code

[go]$$ Position at move 217
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . O . . . . . W . O X . O . X . . |
$$ | . . . . O X . . X X O . O O X X . X . |
$$ | . O O O X X . X X O . O . O O O X . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O . O , O X . X X X X X . |
$$ | O X X X X X O . O O O . . . . . O X . |
$$ | O O O X O X X X X O X X X . X X O O . |
$$ | . X X O . . O . X X O X . X O O O . O |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . X O O X X . O X X X |
$$ | . . X X O O . O O O X O O O O . O O X |
$$ | . . . , X . O . X O X . O . . O . . X |
$$ | . X . . . X . . . . X O O X X X X X O |
$$ | . X O O O O X X X X X O X O . . O O . |
$$ | . O X O X O O O O O O X X X X X O . O |
$$ | . O X X X X . . . . O O O X . . O O . |
$$ | . O . . . . . O X X X X X O O O . X X |
$$ | . . . X . . . O O O . . . X O X O O . |
$$ | . . O X X O X X . . X . X X X X O . . |
$$ | . O O O X . . . . X . . . O . . O . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------
[/b]

Big mistake not to answer his threat, since it appears he can kill me. That would have been game losing.

I should just answer:
[go]
$$ Position at move 217
$$ ---------------------------------------
$$ | . . . O . . . . . . X O X . O . X . . |
$$ | . . . . O X . . X X O . O O X X . X . |
$$ | . O O O X X . X X O . O . O O O X . . |
$$ | . O X X . X O . O , O X . X X X X X . |
$$ | O X X X X X O . O O O . . . . . O X . |
$$ | O O O X O X X X X O X X X . X X O O . |
$$ | . X X O . . O . X X O X . X O O O . O |
$$ | . . . O . . . . . X O O X X . O X X X |
$$ | . . X X O O . O O O X O O O O . O O X |
$$ | . . . , X . O . X O X . O . . O . . X |
$$ | . X . . . X W . . . X O O X X X X X O |
$$ | . X O O O O X X X X X O X O . . O O . |
$$ | . O X O X O O O O O O X X X X X O . O |
$$ | . O X X X X . . . . O O O X . . O O . |
$$ | . O . . . . . O X X X X X O O O . X X |
$$ | . . . X . . . O O O . . . X O X O O . |
$$ | . . O X X O X X . . X . X X X X O . . |
$$ | . O O O X . . . . X . . . O . . O . . |
$$ | . . . X . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
$$ ---------------------------------------[/go]

If I lose the ko, it's not game losing.

Gotta stop giving the game away like that.

--

Conclusion: I should be careful not to get into a crisis. I'm too unstable - Inseong has mentioned this before.

I think I have some intuition for my level on how stones work locally, as well as a bit of global strategy, but I rely on this too much, and lack precision.

Maybe I don't want to win the game enough, because concentration on precision takes effort.

Hopefully I can concentrate better on this type of precision next time. Maybe it's a lack of training.

Play 207 at M19?