On a side note and a very personal one: I'll be having a major medication change very soon. Switching mood stabilisers is always a complicated and potentially dangerous procedure but ultimately it may be the path to health for me. I dream of stability, of leading a normal life. I may never get this but any improvement would be welcome. How does this relate to go? Well, go has become something I enjoy quite a lot and serves to stimulate me mentally which is a good thing and is something I need lest I lapse into passive playing of computer games again to kill the sleepless hours again.
I gave this problem to another beginner friend of mine. He immediately set it up on his board to play with it. He's a mathematician and a good one so despite me probably being the stronger player, due to me playing a lot more games, I'd put money on him solving it first. Either way mitsun thank you for something interesting/frustrating to play with.
I'm getting the chance to play an even game with a 1k on OGS due to the tournament running at the moment. I hope to learn a lot from this game. I'll get crushed of course, the difference in strength is just too great but this hopefully will be a game that I learn much about the fuseki from.
On a psychological note: Sometimes I'm low at the moment and feel like with go I'm wasting my time since I'll never be particularly strong at it. Then at other times I enjoy it for what it is, a game, and don't worry about strength or rank and just focus on enjoying my games. I'm practicing what my psychologist has been telling me to do, i.e. Opposite Action, playing when I feel miserable to show myself that I still can play when I'm like this. I'm wary of playing ranked games when low though or very tired. I think I need a few free games on OGS or KGS for times like these. In fact I just opened 3 non-ranked blitz games for this purpose. I know blitz and turn based are poor partners really (although 3 days a move isn't really true, true blitz) but they should prove fun and give me a chance to practice what my psychologist preached.
Anyway, sorry for the rambling post, I just felt like giving an update on my health combined with my rough plans for having some fun with go for the immediate future. The focus is having fun first, improvement second for the moment until I get some stability back in my life. I'll continue this journal I find the reviews interesting in their own right even if I can't fully digest them yet and hopefully others can learn from them too. I know I get something from following the reviews of other players around my rank.
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