A beginner's journal of little interest

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Tue Nov 27, 2012 3:03 pm

Thank you Ed.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Tue Nov 27, 2012 5:10 pm

As the depression ebbs thanks to the Lithium I feel my enthusiasm for go returning in a way that hasn't been there for many months tracing back to my mania in July and the subsequent long depression that followed it. I'm back playing on OGS and DGS again, although with the latter due to time outs whilst depressed I'm 21k. I'm watching videos, I'm reading books but most importantly I want to play daily again which is a nice feeling to have back. Not much else to say really.

Bill Spight · Post by **Bill Spight** » Tue Nov 27, 2012 5:17 pm

Some comments.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Tue Nov 27, 2012 5:23 pm

Thank you Bill.

EdLee · Post by **EdLee** » Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:19 am

Thanks, Bill.

My feeling was also a pincer on :b6:

, but I wasn't sure of the exact location (3rd line? 4th line? 1-space, 2-space? etc.), so I kept quiet. :mrgreen:

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Thu Dec 06, 2012 3:55 pm

So some updates:

My style is changing, I'm becoming more aggressive. I'm getting some lessons from topazg. Very enjoyable. I'm rereading Fundamental Principles of Go and Attack and Defence, both are making more sense to me this time around and I finally managed to beat Tom in an even game though I got lucky and Tom made some mistakes. We had the go club tonight, myself and Tom played a simul on 5 stones against the new 2k. We both won our games, though in very different fashions.

Anyway, the game with Tom:

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Tue Dec 11, 2012 4:46 pm

The lithium seems to be "pooping out" and I'm back to being depressed, though I'm functioning better than I normally do whilst depressed so I suppose I have to take it given that I cannot take antidepressants and my lithium dose being at what's normally the maximum outside of a manic episode. I have drugs to help me sleep but the non-addictive ones don't seem to be working and the addictive ones I'm slow to take, so 4-5am bedtimes might be the norm for the next while.

Anyway, go:

I finished Tesuji by Davies over the past few days. I tried to read it around 20k but got nowhere with it, I just hadn't seen/played enough games for the moves to make sense to me and the problems were far too hard. This time around the book and the problems were quite enjoyable. I'm looking around for another book, mostly because I enjoy reading go books rather than thinking I'll get much improvement from reading one. I've been playing quite a bit on OGS and DGS, turn based go working out a lot better with young children than finding an hour or two to myself to play a real time game. Which brings me to musings about turn based go for improvement which is a tricky question. My expectations aren't very high. Getting more games in can't hurt anyway and besides which, it's fun.

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Thu Dec 13, 2012 5:33 pm

I whine too much in this but I suppose part of this thread's purpose is to chart the journey of someone with my particular brand of little to no remission bipolar in go. I'm rather depressed at the moment but my go seems to be improving according to the people at the club. Apparently I've made good progress since the tournament. Considering my usual depressions mean getting nothing done the lithium seems to be helping. I had an interesting experience at the club, I played a game with one of the local 2ks even (she was nice and I only lost by 20 odd points), but during the game it was a blessed relief from the negative cycle of thinking that's going through my head constantly. It reminded me of something Ed said months ago about go being a form of meditation. I could get absorbed in the game and reading out sequences and forget for a while all the negative self-hating stuff that normally dominates my thinking when I'm like this. I would be hesitant to go as far as saying go is therapeutic whilst depressed but the meditative aspect and the concentration training it provides are definitely positive things.

I also read "All about Thickness" over the past few days. It was very interesting, if very concise.

I'm also running an experiment on OGS: to try and tenuki a lot more. Yes, I'll get punished and lose games over it most likely (especially against stronger players) but I need to unlearn this habit of following my opponent that I picked up as a DDK.

EdLee · Post by **EdLee** » Thu Dec 13, 2012 6:48 pm

Boidhre wrote:I'm also running an experiment on OGS: to try and tenuki a lot more.

Random assortment of some of my thoughts after my opponent plays a move:

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 8:45 pm

Damn insomnia. I can't seem to fall asleep at night and can't wake in the mornings, it's driving me a bit mad. I slept 14 hours yesterday. How you're supposed to get things done like this is beyond me but try we must and all that. At least my sleep hasn't completely reversed (this happens) and I'm around to help with the kids from school to bedtime which is the hardest part of the day.

So I've been doing problems, lots and lots of problems. The reason, they grab my attention and keep the negative thoughts at bay. Playing games does this too but it's far harder to find over and hour free with young kids than it is to find 5-10 minutes to do some problems. I've been managing to get the odd game in here and there but mostly it's been problems. As the depression deepens I'm finding it harder and harder to take turns on OGS and DGS, hopefully this changes. I'm almost finished Graded Go Problems for Beginners 3 and find the fourth section to be a really good fit at the moment in terms of difficulty, I can do most of them but the mistakes I make are helpful in showing holes in my reading. I think I'll pick up volume four very soon so I can try the first section of problems in that.

The adage, worry about getting stronger, not your rank is somewhat amusing for me at the moment as I don't have a solid rank anywhere. Getting stronger I am but I've no way to quantify it other than by reducing handicaps with regular opponents which is less than ideal as they themselves are improving too. I just don't play enough on KGS to have a meaningful rank there and inferring rank from who you play regularly is error prone. All I know is that somehow despite the worsening depression I'm getting stronger by all accounts. The Lithium seems to have rather fundamentally changed my experience of depression.

Anyway a game, my only one at the heady heights of 5k?

Bill Spight · Post by **Bill Spight** » Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:21 pm

A few quick comments.

Bottom right is urgent, as White aims to stake out the bottom.

:b29:

The turn at R-09 is big. You don't want these stones to become floating.

:b49:

Small, as both sides have stable stones on the top. Time to invade the bottom side.

Twitchy Go · Post by **Twitchy Go** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 3:10 am

What an interesting opening as black. :mrgreen:

I've been trying to stray off the beaten path of the chinese,kobayashi,orthodox, and star point openings recently as well. Although I've not gotten quite astray yet as you seem to be venturing. It's getting me excited though. I think I'll try rotating 5-3 in a game soon. :mrgreen:

skydyr · Post by **skydyr** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 7:43 am

As an irrelevant note, the k in afk stands for keyboard.

schultz · Post by **schultz** » Wed Dec 19, 2012 10:59 am

skydyr wrote:As an irrelevant note, the k in afk stands for keyboard.

I'm glad somebody said it. Otherwise it would have annoyed me all day long!

And interesting games Boidhre. There's a reason I keep coming back here and checking them out (along with the awesome reviews). Thanks!

Boidhre · Post by **Boidhre** » Sat Dec 22, 2012 4:43 pm

I was struggling quite badly with depression for the past week and a bit. It looks like it was due to increased caffeine intake over the period, caffeine reduces a person's lithium level making the drug less effective. I cut back on my caffeine intake a few days ago and have improved in mood dramatically, I'm still depressed but it's the difference between mild and moderate etc.

I've worked through a few books lately (and finished some others): Cho Hun Hyeon's Lectures on Go Techniques 1 & 2 (1 was too easy, 2 was just right for me and showed up a lot of places where I was making soft moves) and Get Strong at Tesuji was finally finished. I'm over half way through 1001 Life and Death Problems but as others have reported, I'm finding the artificial nature of the problems very tiring so it's slower going than I'd like. I have 501 Tesuji Problems but they're somewhat too hard for me (maybe 30% success rate) and tiring to work through because of this. After Christmas I'm going to order some go books, mostly problem books I imagine.

So study plan for the holidays:

Continue working on 1001 L&D.
Maybe do some problems from Get Strong at Life and Death though I imagine these will be hard for me.
Restart Get Strong at Tesuji since its earlier problems I'm less likely to remember than Graded Go Problems for Beginners 3 which I just finished.
Work through Rescue and Capture by Yilun Yang (very fun problem book)

Life In 19x19

A beginner's journal of little interest

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