Failure

[Verde]

About three years ago around the age of 13 I played my best then couldn't play anymore. I remember faintly the moves I would
pull on the board but now after I picked up the game again I cant seem to return to what I was. I love to play, but I stopped.

Why? I started to lose every game. And that would usually not have bothered me but the reason why was just so unclear to me. It happened after I beat an extremely strong opponent fairly easily. I remember accepting challenges all the time. I lost in the beginning but after a few weeks I stop losing all together. I never focused on ranking I just accepted whatever came to me. Eventually though I had the toughest battle I ever fought. And won. I was so fulfilled afterword.

After that though... I lost every match ever given to me again. My focus was gone, I couldn't believe 6 and 8 kyu's started to beat me so easily. Not that I don't respect my challengers its just I lost so hard to people I can read so easily. Why, after beating so many people and beating the strongest ever challenged have I lost my abilities? I just couldn't figure it out. I didn't own go books and never read one. So I went online and googled the hardest go puzzles I could find and solved them easily.... well most of them anyway... some of them I solved ignorantly (surviving but not gaining as much territory as I should have). Regardless, I had not lost my abilities it seemed.

So I played agian. Then lost to a 20 kyu. After that I stopped playing all together.

I returned to the game after 3 years of hibernation. Completely new again. I forgot everything but the rules. After a certain point though... I cant seem to improve. Im still stuck at what I was three years ago after that match. After that match I became
totally useless on the board. I can only see shadows of how I used to play...

Can you more experienced players help me understand what has happened? I want to keep growing. I want to play. I cant handle feeling like my legs have been broken and I cant run like I used too.

[jts]

Post some Games for us to look at! I assume you were around 4kyu before the unexplained losing streak?

[EdLee]

I want to keep growing. I want to play.

If you want to play, play. If you want to improve, what's your budget?

[billywoods]

Then lost to a 20 kyu.

This sounds really hard to believe! Are you sure they were a real 20 kyu, and not just pretending? Sandbaggers (people who pretend to be weaker than they are to humiliate their opponents) are upsettingly common.

Im still stuck at what I was three years ago after that match.

This happens to us all. Taking a break means your skills become blunt; the last time you played was a few years ago and you were young, so it's very possible that you've forgotten most of the tricks you had up your sleeve.

All is not lost. Have a quick run through this website and make sure you're up to scratch on the basics (if you're not, don't skimp them!). Then try some easy go puzzles - the Graded Go Problems for Beginners book series is very good, and I'd recommend you start at volume one (it says 25-30 kyu, but it's severely misranked in my opinion). Read everything out carefully, and don't cut corners - this is practice for real games. Play, as well; it keeps it fun and keeps you thinking about the whole board. Try not to care too much about what your rank is, but aim to work out what it is and set yourself goals for the next month, or next year, and try to work towards them. And finally, when you hit a wall or a losing streak, don't be disheartened. It happens to us all, and one of the most useful skills that go has to teach us all about life is patience and diligence even in the face of a losing battle; slow and steady wins the race.