On May 13th moyoaji wrote:Honestly, I've lost a lot of my motivation. I'm not sure where it went, but I'm hoping to get it back soon.
I have had a lack of motivation as of late. Michael Shumacher once said "Once something is a passion, the motivation is there." I do believe I am passionate about go. And I think the idea behind this quote is probably true. But I was wondering... if the motivation is there, then where is it hiding? Why have I not wanted to get onto the KGS to battle against opponents on the e-kaya fields of the go board?
Whenever I wanted to play, I would think about how hard go has become. My opponents can read just as well as I, if not better. The game requires great mental effort. And, frankly, I have found winning to be hallow and defeat to be crushing.
So I did not play. I stayed away from the go board. It was not necessarily fear - although that probably has something to do with it. (Or a lot to do with it.) It was more lethargy. I felt exhausted whenever I thought of playing an opponent near my strength. And I always seemed to be too weak, too tired, too burnt out to justify playing.
So I now know this:
- When you have lost the will to fight.
When you have lost the will to work hard.
When you have lost the will to even try to win.
All that remains, if anything does, is the will to play.
That is the motivation that hides away when we seem to be lacking in a desire to work at go. If we can tap into that, then we will never lack the motivation to do what we are passionate about. (But you lack motivation... isn't this"revelation" like the blind leading the blind?
And I did play a game tonight on the IGS. I won and I think I actually played very well. It is a shame the game was not even - I think my opponent and I could have played a great game on even footing. The biggest difference this game compared to most. I was paying attention to the whole board situation. That is the most important thing that I am working on. This is also, I believe, the best review of one of my games that I have ever done. (So you are not only getting stronger at go, you are getting better at reviewing... Didn't realize that was the goal here.
Tomorrow is go club and I can go to it. If our 2 kyu player comes, I want to play him. First, because I think I can win. And second, even if I can't, I know for sure that I can play.
(This is only true if you consider that mess you put on a go board to be playing...
I would have played at the top (f16 then k17, or even k17 immediately) as this seems to be the region b wants to develop. I think the result to 23 does not work very well with b's lower right wall.
maybe kick at r15 first to reduce w's possibilities ?
not sure about the change of direction...Now that d16 has been left alone, it is hard for b to develop the top. So I would have cut w in two and developed the right side.
at this point I don't feel the b stones are really working together. Maybe it is to early to think in terms of territory...
- This move is the only joseki I usually play in this situation because it gives white such a good corner in sente. Also, the solid connection is uncommon because it usually makes black over-concentrated - usually black will descend to S13. I suppose black can afford to play solidly himself considering his handicap stones. Even so, I'm fine with that result. I end in sente either way, whereas I will end in gote if I jump again. (You both value sente and play too slowly... do you even understand what your own problems are?
- I know that is the weak point of black's shape, but I was too timid to play it at
. That was a clear mistake in retrospect. (You think?)
- This move is far more common than the attachment in the pro games I've studied and is seven times more common in the DailyJoseki database. Josekipedia says that the attachment is badly timed if played directly - first you should hane at G16. (Just because it is common for pros does not mean it is good in your board position...
- This was definitely my biggest mistake. I hated the result as soon as I played it. I should just nobi there and then tenuki to approach the bottom left or help my D14 stone. (Good job. You're a great player to have the day after someone makes a bad move.
- This move is clearly a mistake in retrospect. I was getting desperate and tried too hard to kill white here. I needed to back off some in order to make this work. (I thought you were trying not to go crazy and kill things anymore.