daal wrote:
First of all, I never said that my goal was to reach shodan.
I thought it was: it seems like you'd want to have 1d next to your avatar, while discussing Go. Mind you, I don't loathe such goal at all.
daal wrote:
What I think is that given my experience, it is very improbable that I could become strong enough to reach shodan (for example on KGS). Why? I make elementary reading mistakes, I lose concentration and I can't judge correctly what is a good outcome of a sequence. I have tried and tried to correct these problems.
Okay, I can't argue with that. It's itching but I resist.
daal wrote:
I do tsumego regularly. I don't dislike it, but I am very bad at it, and I don't feel that I am getting any better at it.
Again, I'm convinced it should not be that way. There are fundamentals to even tsumego. If you apply the fundamentals, it will become easier because you have a structure to follow and will develop intuition in the process.
daal wrote:
I meditate to improve my concentration and frame of mind, and while it helps me accept my errors, it doesn't stop me from blundering.
I appreciate your confidence that fixing these errors is within my reach, but I don't share it, and one reason is that again, this is not just about me. I see countless other players in a similar situation. People who have started go later in life (mid 40's for me), are autodidactics, read poorly, and despite continued effort, hit a boundary well below shodan that they can't figure out how to overcome.
Surely starting late is a handicap. I'm experiencing such handicap in my current activity of table tennis. The youth is blasting past me because they have been properly trained when their brain was still malliable. When I get back after the holidays, it seems I'm back to square 1 and they magically progressed to square 100. It's frustrating. But I still think it is possible to reach "table tennis shodan".
One thing we elderly need to do is to consciously stop doing things and replace them with better habits, while the youth have the luxury of a blank canvas. The problem is that we cling to our bad habits, being afraid to let go of what has given us comfort. I had to change my grip on the bat. I can tell you, not easy to let go of that!
I'll leave it here for now. I do think you could use a coach. And I think concentration/reading is the first thing to fix (you say so yourself). It will require work (again) but it will pay off. Unless you accept that it won't be for you anymore and can live with your current rank. That's fine too.