Reverse Online Go Anxiety?

[Elom0]

Whenever I get into a winning position, I get exhausted by the possibility of winning end in essence throw the game. I've fallen to 10 kyu on OGS. The thing is I don't feel much difference in the single digit kyu ranks when I play them for some reason. I usually feel comfortable playing anyone weaker than OGS 5 kyu, but then I throw the game because I just suddenly don't want to win and I feel like continuing the game would be exhausting. It's like Online Go Anxiety except it's winning I'm scared off. Does this mean I'm officially fully crazy?

[Kirby]

Maybe you are afraid of seeing where your limit is right now. Ironically, that will probably prevent you from breaking past that limit.

[CDavis7M]

Probably not great advice but my recent experience has been quickly playing 19x19 games on Fox on my lunch break or playing an even quicker 9x9 game on Go Quest here and there. For me I get a similar (maybe) exhaustion feeling when my opponent takes a long time to read because now I have to read when I was happily playing without reading... So you could try not reading (and not caring), but that is not great advice.

Maybe better advice if you are finding OGS exhausting (I used to play on there more and so I can see why), I recommend playing on the other more casual servers like Go Quest. They have 13x13 always available. And there is quick 19x19 on Fox (1m starting, 20s byoyomi).

I rarely play long games (like OGS default) but if I do I would rather play in person at local tournament. Otherwise I'd rather sit down and enjoy a good game-review book. Also probably better advice than not reading.

Good luck!

[Elom0]

When I'm losing: Well, my opponent is ahead because I made bad moves, so I deserve to lose.

When I'm winning: Well, the only reason why I'm winning is because the opponent played these bad moves which kind of ruin the game, if I win now I'm basically cheating, there's no point in me trying to win.

Ｈａｈａ笑

[Gomoto]

Play to learn not to win
Care more for your moves
Use slower time settings


I enjoy go more when I do not care about winning or loosing.
I enjoy go more when I read out my moves as deep as possible.
I enjoy go more with slower time settings
I enjoy analyzing and learning from my games at least as much as I enjoy playing them.


Perhaps you can use my advice otherwise discard and continue