Preparing For Another Person

[Kirby]

Well, it looks like there is a decent chance that mrs_kirby and I will be having a child in another 8 or 9 months (she is pregnant). It's still early to be sure that it'll actually happen, but I was wondering if there's anything I should do to prepare myself for the possibility of having a kid - I'll probably need as much time as I can get!

I still feel like a kid, myself, to be honest. Are there any tips for preparing for this type of situation, mentally?

Will I ever have time for go a year from now? Is my life, as I currently know it, coming to an end?

[Jordus]

Congratz Kirby! I can't really give you much advice but from what my brother says "it just makes life better"

[CnP]

Hey that's great Congrats! There definitely can be Go after birth, well maybe not so much in the first 6 months perhaps.. I think Go is a pretty good hobby for parents anyway since you can fit it in around other stuff and can play late at night when everyone else is asleep - that's been my experience anyway. Parenting advice? (at myself) - I'd say you don't have to try and be someone you're not, there's no single way to be a parent and you can just do it your way. Also, don't panic! - you'll be fine. If you make the effort to build a bond with your child rather than just resenting nappy changes it is fantastic.

Also, I'm sure you'll get loads of advice but I have to say that I think very highly of "attachment parenting" and baby slings(mine's a http://www.huggababy.co.uk/p/the-huggababy-sling-50.php in black & is especially okay for guys). hmm plus there's a lot of companies out there that try and sell new parents junk they don't need.

[topazg]

Well, it looks like there is a decent chance that mrs_kirby and I will be having a child in another 8 or 9 months (she is pregnant). It's still early to be sure that it'll actually happen, but I was wondering if there's anything I should do to prepare myself for the possibility of having a kid - I'll probably need as much time as I can get!

Prepare as much as you can, but at the same time it will probably be nothing like whatever you prepared for. Simply trying to prepare for things as a whole is good enough in my experience The one thing I would say is get ready to have sleep cut into very small chunks, like 90-120 minutes long each to begin with. All being well, that smooths out in the first 2-3 months. Apart from that, the hardest parts are the lack of experience. As you get used to doing everything, it's just mostly really good experiences

My latest is 5 weeks and 2 days old, and is not sleeping so well, but my wife and I work together, and you'll surprise yourself with just how well you can do

I still feel like a kid, myself, to be honest. Are there any tips for preparing for this type of situation, mentally?

My first was when I was 19, and I was definitely a kid. Having a kid grew me up all by itself really. I think if you care enough to do as good a job as a Dad, you will become the Dad you want to be.

Will I ever have time for go a year from now? Is my life, as I currently know it, coming to an end?

Yes and No, in whatever proportion it happens to be. I've got 5 kids here at the moment, and no, I have time for nothing really, as work has just crept annoyingly into most of my evening spare time. My day is really 20% wife, 40% kids, 40% housework, but despite that I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

[fwiffo]

Is my life, as I currently know it, coming to an end?

Yep. Sorry bub.

[1986]

Lol! life is just beginning buddy congratulations!

[jts]

I've got 5 kids here at the moment....

[hyperpape]

Congrats!

You can definitely still play Go. I mean, common sense says that (depending on precise details of your work schedule, yadda yadda yadda) you'll be spending over half of your disposable time caring for the child for a few years. So something has to give, but if Go is what you want to keep, you can do it.

As for parenting, don't assume that what happened to anyone else you talk to will happen for you. Don't assume that what you're doing now will work two weeks from now. Don't assume that the problems you're having right now will still be there in two weeks. Just don't assume .

If you ever want detailed assessments of many baby related things, I have them. But a month or two into pregnancy, you just need to talk with your wife about the big picture more than you need to start sweating equipment.

[Marcus]

First off, congratulations! Parenting is definitely an experience that has its rewards.

In terms of preparation, the biggest thing you can do to prepare is give yourself as flexible a mindset as possible. Every child is different, and will come with their own set of challenges. Nobody will ever know your child better than you do, so examine advice from others and learn how best to apply it to your own child.

That being said, here's some more advice. Like I said, I can't tell you what's right for you ... these are my own observations.

1) Share the responsibility for the child with your wife

Be involved. It's not going to be easy, but the more you interact with your child, the easier your future interactions will be (in general). In addition, two live-in parents have a huge advantage over single parents. I could not imagine raising my child without the support of my wife, and she feels the same way about my support.

2) Really listen to your child

This is hard, I'm not going to lie. Right from birth, your child will be trying to communicate. Whatever ways you find that make the conversation between parent and child go both ways, cherish and build those skills. Expect frustrating false steps and outright miscommunications constantly, but the reward for the hard work is well worth it.

3) Take time for yourselves

This applies to both you and your wife. You'll hear a lot of parents talk about how everything in their lives became about their children once they were born, and that's because they require such dedication of your time and energy to raise. You will both need time for yourselves, as a couple and individually. My standard suggestion is for each parent to set aside dedicated time for a hobby (hey look: you can choose Go! ). When that time comes around, it's important for the other parent to take sole responsibility for the child during that time. This not only builds unique individual relationships with the child, but also helps prepare both parents should some emergency come up and one is not available. Try to make sure the child is comfortable regardless of which parent is around.

As for couple time, you'll eventually need to be able to step away from your roles as mom and dad to take time as husband and wife again. I personally believe the sooner you find that couple time, the better. This also leads into my next piece of advice ...

4) Socialize the child as soon as you can

Especially with so much interconnection and communication worldwide, I think children born today are going to need to develop their social skills to a level unheard of up until now in order to get along in the world. The more people you can reasonably expose your child to (while making sure they are comfortable and secure) will help them to interact in a highly interactive world.

An added factor here is to prepare parents for the reality that they can't be attached to their children 24x7. I know from personal experience that my child is never very far from my mind, and I had to get myself used to not having to take care of every aspect of my son's life, and also let him explore the world on his own terms, too.

==============================

As you can probably tell, I have my opinions and I'm not afraid to share. My current situation: I have one 2 year old son who was born just before my 27th birthday. I have a second baby boy coming due in August. Not the most experienced, but I've recently gone through the slightly panicky time you're going through now.

As for advice before the birth, you're already following it: talk to people.

For my first child my wife and I had a party (in lieu of a baby shower so I and our male friends could partake). I said it then, and I'll say it again now: "It's not like I'm the first one ever to have a child." All sorts of people will be very happy to share experiences and ideas with you. Be open, listen well, and take what you believe will help you.

And again, Congrats!

[Fedya]

Congratulations! Nine minutes of passion for you; nine months of work for her.

(I don't have kids, so I can't answer your other questions.)

[BobC]

Routine.. what we did:

To save sanity at night.

From day one always follow a routine for putting to bed

1] play with infant 7:30 pm
2] last feed 7:45
3] bath 8 pm
4] bed/lights off 8:30 - say goodnight and leave..
5] baby sleeps 8:32

within days of birth we were only seeing one wakeup during the night (always around 1 am) and an early morning.

Small children feel at their most secure with this type of routine. This must be done every night without fail..starting at hospital. Our eldest is now 14.. the routine has changed a little but as soon as her head hits the pillow after her bath..she is out cold!!!

[daal]

Congratulations Kirby, (and of course, Mrs. Kirby too!)

Not feeling prepared is part of the preparation. Having a child is a fundamentally big step that will indeed put you in a place that you weren't before. To a certain extent, you can prepare for this step by learning about it. Cloth diapers? Breastfeeding? Bedtime stragegies? What are the advantages and disadvantage? What do you think suits you and your wife best? It's nice to feel at least superficially prepared, and it's also nice to feel prepared equipment-wise (buying a stroller is similar to buying a Goban). On the other hand, I think most parents just do what comes naturally to them, and this is generally a good thing. You are who you are, and the person you can fool the least about being somebody else is your baby. It's not a bad thing to be young or uncertain. Trust yourself and your wife, and enjoy!

Regarding equipment, one thing I did that I was really happy with was to buy a so-called Tragetuch (English: Baby sling) which is a long piece of cloth that you tie around your body and carry your baby around in. I liked the close physical contact with the baby that it offered, and although my wife stopped using it after about a year, I carried our daughter around in it until she was about two and a half.

[rubin427]

I'll say congratulations!

Giving advice is so hard.

Just be there when your wife really needs you. (or alternatly, be ready to go the extra mile if you wife needs a day off/a quiet day). If Mom and Dad are doing well, then the kid(s) fall in line.

Or... that's my theory, anyway. I have yet to see how well it works during the teenage years.

[Kirby]

Thanks for all of the tips, everyone. Admittedly, I'm still nervous about how my life will be, or if I will have to put my goals in life on hold... But based on the responses here, I guess it can't be that bad.

[ketchup]

Congrats! This is great news! Maybe we can see lil Kirby beating up the ol' man in baduk . I don't know too much about kids. I have a few nephews/nieces, but that's NOTHING compared to the real deal. I wish you best of luck as well. It's definitely a huge change, but as long as everyone is there for the baby, I believe everything will go well. Again, congratulations and good luck!