Preparing For Another Person

[tealeaf]

Congratulations! To both of you! My twins are now ten months old, and I can definitely tell you that life will change hugely.

I haven't had much time for Go, which is mainly why I had dropped off the board until a few weeks ago. More than previously, the uninterrupted half-hour/hour required for a real-time game more or less disappears. Dragon and OGS are still there for you.

More generally, your goals in life will almost certainly change. I wouldn't think in terms of putting things on hold, but priorities have a massive shift. It's all worth it! I actually find that, because my "free" time is compressed, I tend to be more focused with it.

I'll second CnP's mention of attachment parenting and slings. I've found both things fantastic. (We also co-sleep with our twins, but I understand that that wouldn't work for a lot of people. We're also big fans of breastfeeding, but you won't find much support for that in France!) I think the most important thing I've found out is that a lot of the advice given to you is received wisdom, and not necessarily based on more than assumptions and prejudices. (I'm talking about doctors and nurses, not just friends and family!) We haven't gone with routines, but are trying to listen to what they need and when.

Anyway. Good luck, and you'll be fine!

[quantumf]

Regarding preparing yourself, I can only say that no matter how difficult you think it might be, you just have no idea. Thinking back, you will be astonished at how naive you were about the whole thing.

The absolutely unconditional love of a child is a wonderful and very rewarding thing, but in contrast, the utter and permanent fear of their safety you will have to live with for the rest of your life is not pleasant, and definitely wasn't mentioned in the parenting books I read.

I had my first child at 30, and I felt like a kid at the time, and frankly, even in my 40's, I still feel like a kid. I don't think that ever really goes away.

Regarding ever playing go again, If you can get a good sleep routine going early, great. There was some advice above on how to do it. In my opinion, that advice is really hard to follow, and my feeling is that it's OK to comfort an unhappy baby/toddler at night, even if it means having the baby in your bed. Torturing yourself and your kid doesn't seem worth it to me, given that that phase passes really quickly (in retrospect at least ). I didn't really play in the evenings for first two years after the birth, as the likelihood of being interrupted was just too high, and I couldn't really relax and concentrate.

[snorri]

Is my life, as I currently know it, coming to an end?

The best I can say is, yes. And strangely, you will be okay with this.

Oh, yeah, as for advice: If you can squeeze in some go, be thankful to your wife. But this isn't the biggest problem. The month after my daughter was born, I was caught by two red light cameras, both with very clear photos of me spaced out at the wheel, so hard to contest. At least playing go your sleep deprivation will only cost a stone or two, but doing other things like driving can be dangerous, please be careful.

Other tips:

1. Don't buy all the stuff American media thinks you should buy. Really. You just need diapers and two good boobs. Everything else is optional.
2. For when your child starts eating. Canned pumpkin is the best source of fiber I've seen. 1 serving and any constipation is gone. But make sure to stock up during holiday season when there is lots in the stores.

[cyclops]

It is like go. When you play a move you prepare for the next.

Well, congrats, but don't take me serious, because I never made the move.

I further advise though: don't pincer him/her too much!

[hyperpape]

I think I've decided that your most valuable skill as a parent is the ability to talk in a soothing voice no matter how you feel or what you are doing. When I get flustered trying to change a diaper (a 17 lb baby is stronger than you are...), I tend to shut down and just try and fix the problem as fast as possible. Maybe that's a logical/scientific/engineering mindset, or maybe it's just a universal tendency, but it's the wrong approach. Things go much better when I take my time and talk it through. Even then, she gives me five times as much grief as she gives her mom, but I'm more likely to avoid tears and flailing.

So practice saying soothing nonsense while listening to Glenn Beck or Michael Moore, the Pope or Richard Dawkins.

[Tryphon]

No advices because I'm dad since too few time (last September) but I can tell you I had the same feelings (I'm not mature enough, what about my free time, did I take the good decision ?), and wondered if I could be happy with no sleep, tons of sh.t on the hands and a son who will hate me by the age of 15, won't like go, and will stop school to become a professional soccer player.

The answer is definitely yes ! I have never been so much happy before

[perceval]

Congrats kirby.

my own advice would be not to take advice too seriously.

Routine.. what we did:

To save sanity at night.

From day one always follow a routine for putting to bed

1] play with infant 7:30 pm
2] last feed 7:45
3] bath 8 pm
4] bed/lights off 8:30 - say goodnight and leave..
5] baby sleeps 8:32

within days of birth we were only seeing one wakeup during the night (always around 1 am) and an early morning.

Small children feel at their most secure with this type of routine. This must be done every night without fail..starting at hospital. Our eldest is now 14.. the routine has changed a little but as soon as her head hits the pillow after her bath..she is out cold!!!

good for you if it works, but i don't think there is a magic recipe so that your child will sleep at night ...
if you think there is one you might end up thinking you are doing something wrong if it fails.
Just wait and see kirby all families are different

My first was when I was 19, ... Yes and No, in whatever proportion it happens to be. I've got 5 kids here at the moment,

(i guess you get that a lot)
how did you even had time and energy for setting up something like OGS + going to work topazg?? are your days 24 hours like the rest of us ?

[hyperpape]

good for you if it works, but i don't think there is a magic recipe so that your child will sleep at night ...
if you think there is one you might end up thinking you are doing something wrong if it fails.
Just wait and see kirby all families are different

Having a routine as soon as possible is good. Even a couple months old baby will respond to having a consistent bath time, lights out, etc. It's just that the child will decide whether the routine sticks and whether she will go to sleep on schedule.

[mohsart]

Congrats Kirby, mine's due around Christmas

/Mats

[Kirby]

Congrats Kirby, mine's due around Christmas

/Mats

Congratulations to you, as well!

[hyperpape]

And my toddler is the slightly less than one in 365 Christmas Day child.

I wouldn't change anything, but I hope y'all don't miss Christmas Eve dinner like I did.

[Kirby]

Well, it's a boy!

[topazg]

Well, it's a boy!

Major congrats!! Hope you all have a fab fab life as a family

[Joaz Banbeck]

Well, it's a boy!

[Bill Spight]

Congratulations, Kirby!